Bizzarre problems all at once: loping idle, stuttering, no power locks, etc

[karbon]

As the thread title suggests, I have a multitude of problems. Since this morning I haven't driven the car since coming home from work on Friday.
When I started the car up, it idled at the usual 1500 until it got warmed up and slowly dropped. This time it dropped to around 500 and stayed there. One the way to work, the car would sometimes idle at 500 and sometimes the usual 800 when coasting down in neutral.
I wish this were my only problem.
The car no longer responds to my keyring device, the LED on it indicates that it indeed has SOME juice, but does not affect the car at any range.
I tried to take a log at idle, because sometimes I swear I can smell the car as being rich (wideband tuned to 14.7:1 A/F under all closed loop conditions), and found that DSMLink can't connect to my ECU (tried using my Palm, which always works, and haven't moved it since it not working. I'll try the laptop tonight). Checked and triple checked the connections.: everything secure, but still no connectivity.
There car hesitates only sometimes when accelerating. It's more pronounced at low speeds and only when accelerating between 2000 and 2500 RPMs. The car seems to lose power while still climbing in that rev range, and then get it back when it's out of it.
None of these problems existed when I shut my car off on Friday. I have no idea what could've happened over the weekend, any suggestions? I don't want to jump to the conclusion that my ECU went bad, but it sounds like it at this point.

 

[MyBlack94GST]

Check your battery connections/grounds/whatnot before anything. I had a whole bunch of problems like that once (all at once) and they were solved by tightening the terminal clamp.

 

[karbon]

Thanks for the suggestion. I'll check this when I get home. I JUST put new terminals on a couple months ago, but anything's possible. I'll post the results here.
Edit: Ugh. Obviously I can't take the terminals off or I lose DSMLink's config. I can't conenct with any device to DSMLink, therefore my car will be ultimately undriveable if the battery gets disconnected for any reason.
I LOOSENED the battery terminals and wiggled them around and made sure all the connections were secure- about the best I could do at this point, and still nothing new. This sucks.

 

[Defiant]

That battery's bolted down, and not shorting against the hood or a strut bar?

 

[karbon]

The battery's in the back in a sealed box, bolted down tight. A visual inspection says that nothing's shorting against anything else and all the connections are rock solid. I could check continuity to chassis ground, but I would imagine it'd blow a fuse.
Dave Mertz on the DSMLink boards said that he's seen this happen when pin 1 of the diagnostic cable somehow finds a short to ground. It also prevents DSMLink from being able to connect. Sometimes the cable itsself can do this, but the car behaves no differently with the cable unplugged. Does this ring a bell?
Also, my ABS light magically came on a few weeks ago. I thought that it was the sensor "fixing itsself" (we all know how some DSM sensors/door switches can magically fix themselves sometimes )since the last owner took the speed sensors out of the front when he put the AP brakes on.