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Need to Vent

Dusty Landrum

Supporting VIP
527
476
Jul 15, 2019
Denver, Colorado
I just needed to get on the board and vent for a minute... so I am currently in the process of restoring my 99 GSX to mint condition, I would say I am about 75%ish complete, but have lost heart in it over the past few months. Not because of the work its taking or money to be honest, but because it's not the platform I really want. I have recently fallen MADLY in love with the 97-98 A87 Magenta Pearl Gray GSX and have been searching around for another base to start with.

So some back story for my venting. I am currently 36 years old, living in California but wanting to move literally as soon as a position within my employment comes up in SLC, UT. A position is supposed to be posted Feb of 2023. Along with this I am engaged to the love of my life and best friend (to be married whenever COVID is sorted out...) so have a wedding to get figured out. Also, I will soon be needing a daily vehicle since my 1999 Lexus (named Mildred) hit 325K miles recently and I am not going to be willing to keep her out of the pasture much longer.. I am not rich by any means, but I am fortunate enough to build what I want.

Ok so, I just need to vent on the fact that ever since I started falling hard for the A87 I have been actively looking for a good base to build on. This color code is extremely hard to find though and especially in decent condition with northern cars usually being rotted out. After months of searching and putting out feelers through friends on this site and local I was told about one for sale locally. Its only 40 miles from me but its a salvage title.... and its not running. NO BIG deal for me... so although I have told my wife numerous times I am really wanting to change platforms and start over she lost her shit. At the center of it of course is that it is extremely bad timing since in the next two years we will be 1.Moving, 2. Getting married, 3. I will have my current GSX sitting on jack stands.. sooo, I am venting because as grown adult I REALLY want this f***ing car, but I know its a REALLY bad decision to be made right now with everything going on. Its just soooo tempting because its so close and its a cali car so its pretty clean. BUT I am going to do the grown up adult thing and listen to her reason and pass on the car and HOPE I find another one later when I look again.

Please guys don't respond with, Lose the woman or any of that. Obviously she means way more to me that a vehicle, and so does my future... just pissed because deep down I know she is right and it really is just bad timing.
 

19Eclipse90

DSM Wiseman
5,170
1,008
Sep 29, 2003
OKC, Oklahoma
I can't assume I know exactly how you feel but I had a similar situation with a GVR4 that popped up local a couple years ago. All I wanted in my adult life was a four-door, AWD, turbo car with a manual transmission. The car being 4G63-equipped is gravy on top. But the timing was poor and after talking it through with the girlfriend, I decided it wasn't the right thing to do for us.

In retrospect, had I gotten that car, it likely would have been totalled in a hail storm last year. So I'm happy I wasn't responsible for allowing that to happen. :thumb:

We always break things down into wants and needs, allowing reason and logic to guide our decisions. Sounds like you're doing the same, to which I tip my hat!
 

Kryndon

Proven Member
836
482
Jan 10, 2014
Bulgaria, Europe
When you said different platform, I thought you meant an entirely different make/model, so I was kind of surprised you'd want to jump away from your almost finished pristine condition restoration for another one just because of the color? Stating the obvious here but you could have a decent paint shop paint yours in A87 (wont be IDENTICAL but close enough and better finish). Unless you really really value things like numbers matching and having the VIN connected with a factory A87 pearl gray?

If the asking price on that GSX isn't absurd, wont your wife be okay with you simply buying and storing it in a storage unit and maybe in 2-3 years when the move / wedding has been dealt with, maybe then you can get it out off storage and start building it up? I don't know, just thinking out the box here.

My logic is, if your MAIN (or only?) hobby is cars, then this should be an okay thing to keep pursuing regardless of your SO's stance on it. P.S you can almost guarantee a profit by selling these cars later down the road as they are also going up in price month by month so it's also technically a financial investment.
 

steve

DSM Wiseman
14,598
1,477
Feb 3, 2002
Boulder, Colorado
If I had to choose between buying a car with a salvage title and one that the paint code didn't match, I'd pick the second assuming everything else was equal and the repaint was good.

If you don't mind some input from an old married guy (39 years), make sure your future wife knows she can share what's she's thinking without loosing her shit and that you'd prefer her input early before it reaches that level of frustration. Then listen when she does. You're not going to agree all the time but you have to work together to make it work.
 
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shellhouse

Supporting Member
103
38
Nov 8, 2021
Atlanta, Georgia
If the damage isn't bad and price is good, then would get it regardless. May not find another easily.

Start doing what you want to an extent, or otherwise your fiancee may become more controlling over time. Expect the same treatment and consideration that you'd offer the other person. If she wanted something of a similar price and responsibility, would you get upset or lose your shit over it? Just being real.
 

motomattx

Proven Member
3,707
1,455
Dec 9, 2010
wampum, Pennsylvania
If the damage isn't bad and price is good, then would get it regardless. May not find another easily.

Start doing what you want to an extent, or otherwise your fiancee may become more controlling over time. Expect the same treatment and consideration that you'd offer the other person. If she wanted something of a similar price and responsibility, would you get upset or lose your shit over it? Just being real.
My words exactly, if she is going to flip her sh** over something that means this much to you, well then...
 

Sniffbooger

Proven Member
272
113
Apr 12, 2020
Torrance, California
Hahaa....why is it that I see a thread titled 'NEED TO VENT' and I'm instantly compelled to click on it....?... And then, having been married to a controlling, manipulative, emasculating wife for some years, I see your post and instantly have an opinion and want to sincerely express it for your mental well being, but then it's immediately nixed in your request...:D:oops:

I am currently divorced, free to make my own decisions, and my evil ex is in prison getting what she deserves...for insurance fraud... Because it was never enough money for her, no matter how much we made, even though we were making 7 figures together, she always spent more than we made, and she had the domineering attitude of 'her money was hers, and my money was hers too'...if I even went to the ATM and took out $300 she would have a fit for a week...even though she could go to Saks or Nieman Marcus and spend $10k in a couple hours in stupid brand name purses, shoes and jewelry...
 

motomattx

Proven Member
3,707
1,455
Dec 9, 2010
wampum, Pennsylvania
Hahaa....why is it that I see a thread titled 'NEED TO VENT' and I'm instantly compelled to click on it....?... And then, having been married to a controlling, manipulative, emasculating wife for some years, I see your post and instantly have an opinion and want to sincerely express it for your mental well being, but then it's immediately nixed in your request...:D:oops:

I am currently divorced, free to make my own decisions, and my evil ex is in prison getting what she deserves...for insurance fraud... Because it was never enough money for her, no matter how much we made, even though we were making 7 figures together, she always spent more than we made, and she had the domineering attitude of 'her money was hers, and my money was hers too'...if I even went to the ATM and took out $300 she would have a fit for a week...even though she could go to Saks or Nieman Marcus and spend $10k in a couple hours in stupid brand name purses, shoes and jewelry...
I'm guessing that he knows the truth in the matter, but doesn't want to face the truth..."you can't handle the truth" LOL. Sometimes the idea of being in love is more important to people than actually being in love, you know, the societal pressures to: (1) graduate high school (2) go to college (3) graduate college (4) get married (5) buy a house with the new wifey that neither of you can afford (6) have a kid or a bunch of kids to "save the marriage" plus at least one doggo (7) realize non of it is going to work out (8) get an expensive divorce (9) rinse and repeat.

I'm glad to see that you made it out of it, but sadly it soundsl like it cost you some of the best years of your life and a lot of grief and money in the meantime, think about what you could have owned right now had you not bought in to the "dream" haha My take on marriage has always been this: Show me something that I can get from marriage that I cant get without it? I am all for marriage for WOMEN, just not for men, there is simply no advantage for a man to sign a legal document giving over half of his sh** away if his old lady decides that shes "bored" with him or finds a nicer piece, if a guy finds a nicer piece he's a dog, pos, lying pos, etc etc etc, but when a woman does that well "she must have had her reasons", "he must have been abusive", "I never liked him anyway" etc etc. My family handles divorces, and until the courts are less vagina friendly and more fair, I wouldn't recommend marriage to anyone at all that is a male, if you want to go get married in front of your friends and family and GOD, then go have a religious wedding ceremony without the marriage license, pretty simple, and hey if you actually love each other then what does a piece of paper with a legal agreement on it mean anyway?
 
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Dericsh

Supporting Member
1,277
518
Nov 25, 2002
Pearl River, Louisiana
Hope it works out for you. My wife hasn’t been too supportive of the mid life crisis in my driveway, and I believe it’s because I spent too many years never doing anything for myself. We spent years building our life, moving into our home, having a baby and then another surprise baby. It all added up to her being used to controlling all the money and me boiling over with the need for another DSM because my fingernails are just too clean and I can’t stand it. Those two things go together like oil and water and I wouldn’t wish it in anyone.
 

pieceofcloth

Supporting Member
377
239
Oct 6, 2019
Houston, Texas
The issue is cause you aint married her yet. Youre postponing it over covid😭😭go get married. You cant sell me an excuse why you aint married her yet cause i aint buying it.Life will put your most wanted side by side & your action/choice is the ultimate decision for your next stage of growth. I will never want to understand what you or others go thru for colors, models, specs of a car/material object.


Dont put your so called bestfriend,future wife through your material needs/wants. Once you have both parties on the same page, you WILL get all you ever wanted & deserve. These cars aint goin no where regardless what anyone says🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻
 

TheDude236

Proven Member
180
83
Mar 15, 2021
Kingston Springs, Tennessee
My wife hasn’t been too supportive of the mid life crisis in my driveway, and I believe it’s because I spent too many years never doing anything for myself

While I myself am not married (I'm 19 for God's sake), my mom is not very happy with me and my dad's new car hobby. I have a GSX which has been on jacks for months, which means my dad has to put his 2 project cars in the driveway. We have a garage which is separate from the house and we keep the non-running projects in. This was the "compromise" of sorts, but she still roasts me and my dad often for having "piles" sitting in the driveway, sitting in the garage, spending money on 30+ year old cars, and overall isn't very supportive of our hobby. It is how it is, and personally I'll happily take the insults if it means I get to drive my GSX.

@Dusty Landrum , your case is unique for sure. As far as buying the new car, I'm siding with the "just paint the damn car" crowd.
Personally, I could never swap DSM's knowing the work that I've done on mine. I have such a solid base with my car having a new rebuilt engine, and some other new shiny bits in the engine bay that I'd hate to invalidate all my hard work and money for a different but better looking car. You have actually spent way more time restoring your car than I have spent working on mine. Your car is so good looking, and such a solid base that personally I couldn't bring myself to sell it especially after spending so much time and effort on a car that you love (or that I assume you love).

Think of it this way: You are about to get married to someone you love, and have spent years together with. Would you really want to end that relationship for a more attractive looking woman with none of the personality or connection that you like?
Why get rid of an almost restored '99 GSX that has had so much history and connection to you for a car that has a better paintjob? If you plan on keeping the car long anyways, who cares if you paint codes don't match your vin? It's your car man! Just paint it your favorite color and enjoy it!
 

97egl

Proven Member
331
122
Feb 6, 2014
Brownsburg, Indiana
Buy the car with the salvage title and use it to replace your lexus thats got 325K on it. Might take a couple months to fix why its not running but once you get it fixed you can sell the lexus and be down to the same amount of cars you had before and the money for the new daily will be going to the car you want so that way you're still being responsible.
 

Dusty Landrum

Supporting VIP
527
476
Jul 15, 2019
Denver, Colorado
Just wanted to take a second to thank everyone and allowing me to get out my frustration.. I knew I would get both sides of the spectrum in responses, and I did which was awesome. After the 24hr cool down period I feel I should be fair to my wife and clarify some things hahaha. So mainly its that I actually began the current GSX restoration with the intent to sell it when I was finished from the get go. It has just taken me waaaaaaaaay longer than I thought it would since I am so focused on it being 100% and no corners cut. So I have to be honest in the sense that I have always kept telling her.. oh its almost done, TWO years ago hahahaha. Also, I needed to clarify that she is in no way controlling or manipulative.. at all. She completely supports me with MOST everything I do and want to do, but that does not mean that what I always want is right for me.. does that make sense LOL. She is extremely level headed and conscious that there are more important things and not just my impulses for DSMs haha. DSMs are not my only hobby, but they are my first one and first love.

So, after taking a step back and thinking more about it I realize that really she is just helping me. The car is of course the color I want but the hurdles like the salvage title and that its an automatic are not things I was looking for when I started hunting another base to build on. I would really just be rushing to snag this one just because its local and it's the color. Patience is something I tend to struggle with and she knows it haha. I was also unfair when I said she lost her shit.. that was a little exaggerated. She was just very displeased and also upset about the two project scenario haha.

Buy the car with the salvage title and use it to replace your lexus thats got 325K on it. Might take a couple months to fix why its not running but once you get it fixed you can sell the lexus and be down to the same amount of cars you had before and the money for the new daily will be going to the car you want so that way you're still being responsible.
Hahaha so trade one vehicle I am somewhat worried about as a daily, for another I would ALWAYS be worried about breaking down hahaha.

If the damage isn't bad and price is good, then would get it regardless. May not find another easily.

Start doing what you want to an extent, or otherwise your fiancee may become more controlling over time. Expect the same treatment and consideration that you'd offer the other person. If she wanted something of a similar price and responsibility, would you get upset or lose your shit over it? Just being real.

Being fair, she does everything as equal and that's why she was upset about me not really focusing on both of us or what is really best for me at the time. You make a really good point here.
 

97egl

Proven Member
331
122
Feb 6, 2014
Brownsburg, Indiana
Hahaha so trade one vehicle I am somewhat worried about as a daily, for another I would ALWAYS be worried about breaking down hahaha.
Yeah being a DSM I'm sure its not been well maintained but if you go thru and do the maintenance on it DSM's have been very reliable in my experience when properly maintained. When something does break having a vast knowledge of the car makes repairs easier.
 

Justin DuBois

Proven Member
779
591
Aug 15, 2019
Oakland, California
From a 50-yo perspective: It matters not 'what' project 'I' am spending time on. What matters is how I affect the people around me. If the people around me are getting the time they want from me, then how I spend time for myself isn't going to be an issue.

Sell one, buy one - at the end of the day it is just a car. But if you cant walk from one end of the house without tripping over my stuff, or you can't park in the drive because of my project on jack stands, that affects you.

These people I love, and they depend on me. So, I generally start my decision making based on - What do I want, then how can I make this work for everyone.
 
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Dusty Landrum

Supporting VIP
527
476
Jul 15, 2019
Denver, Colorado
So I just had to update this venting thread because it’s funny when looking back at how small things can be but in the moment they are massive. Life is pretty insane and the paths that it can take you and lead you where you should and need to be.

Well now I find myself in Denver, CO after thinking forever that I would have to be in Salt Lake City, UT or nothing at all… turns out Denver is exactly where I need to be and better for me and my significant other. Not only that, but after all that waiting and pouting and thinking I would never end up with the A87, I brought one home a week ago!!

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It’s EXACTLY the base I wanted to start with and exactly the car I had been waiting for!!

So just wanted to vent about venting on here a while back LOL, and say… I think she was right??! She was absolutely right and the wiser of of two hahahaha.

Cheers everyone and new build coming to the profile soon.
 

Vegas Smith

Proven Member
4,893
2,742
Dec 2, 2002
Houston, Texas
I know this is a late response but modifying cars is really f***ing expensive.....and we dsmers have it good. Our cars are the absolute cheapest you can find. Think of it from her perspective: You buy a $1300 turbo for example. Would you be happy if she came home with a $1300 purse? That $4000 engine you're putting together...you think you'd be happy if she bought a $1000 piece of jewelry 4 months in a row? f*** no you wouldn't be. Like I said...we DSMers have it easy. All these guys who are into Supras and GTRs....you think the fiancé or girlfriend is going to be happy when the dipshit takes out a $50K loan for a toy car? Imagine how much makeup, jewelry, furniture, movies, dinners you could buy with all that. If we have someone that will put up with 1/4 of the shit we buy then be happy. Now you're talking about a second car?...no surprise.
 

Dusty Landrum

Supporting VIP
527
476
Jul 15, 2019
Denver, Colorado
I know this is a late response but modifying cars is really f***ing expensive.....and we dsmers have it good. Our cars are the absolute cheapest you can find. Think of it from her perspective: You buy a $1300 turbo for example. Would you be happy if she came home with a $1300 purse? That $4000 engine you're putting together...you think you'd be happy if she bought a $1000 piece of jewelry 4 months in a row? f*** no you wouldn't be. Like I said...we DSMers have it easy. All these guys who are into Supras and GTRs....you think the fiancé or girlfriend is going to be happy when the dipshit takes out a $50K loan for a toy car? Imagine how much makeup, jewelry, furniture, movies, dinners you could buy with all that. If we have someone that will put up with 1/4 of the shit we buy then be happy. Now you're talking about a second car?...no surprise.

This is such a true statement, and even she said the same thing in the argument about what if for HER buying shit too hahaha.

Oh, and the A52 has actually already been spoken for and heading to a new home in Oct
 

CrackedDSM

Proven Member
1,924
596
Dec 17, 2009
Pensacola, Florida
Welcome to the sunshine state...
What part of Denver did you roost in?


I love how every state is now apparently the sunshine state.

Nope. That’s Florida. Get your own title scrubs. Can’t have ours. :p
 

Xarzor

Supporting Member
72
39
Jul 21, 2020
Denver, Colorado
I love how every state is now apparently the sunshine state.

Nope. That’s Florida. Get your own title scrubs. Can’t have ours. :p
I agree, though we do have 300 days of sun every year, Colorado is the Centennial state.

So I just had to update this venting thread because it’s funny when looking back at how small things can be but in the moment they are massive. Life is pretty insane and the paths that it can take you and lead you where you should and need to be.

Well now I find myself in Denver, CO after thinking forever that I would have to be in Salt Lake City, UT or nothing at all… turns out Denver is exactly where I need to be and better for me and my significant other. Not only that, but after all that waiting and pouting and thinking I would never end up with the A87, I brought one home a week ago!!
Welcome to Colorado and the mile high city. I'm not native to Colorado but after the last 8 years here, I wouldn't want to live anywhere else.

I'm about 40 minutes north of you in Brighton. We need to organize a DSM cars and coffee for the Denver metro area before summers end.
 

CrackedDSM

Proven Member
1,924
596
Dec 17, 2009
Pensacola, Florida
I agree, though we do have 300 days of sun every year, Colorado is the Centennial state.


Welcome to Colorado and the mile high city. I'm not native to Colorado but after the last 8 years here, I wouldn't want to live anywhere else.

I'm about 40 minutes north of you in Brighton. We need to organize a DSM cars and coffee for the Denver metro area before summers end.


I grew up in Englewood, literally less than a mile or two from Englewood High School on S. Downing St. :) I remember Colorado very well. Bought my first dsm there!
 
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