So I need to get serious in one thread in the hangout. Advice needed.

[bartels903]

I know the rule on relationships, I don't care about the relationship, I care about my well-being.

My current girlfriend is 4 days missed on her period. Well, I bought her a ept thing, and according to that she is pregnant. We have an appointment with a doctor today to see if it is correct. I am actually scared for once in my life. And if it all goes well I have a HUGE decision to make and I figure some people in here have made it before.

I am 18 years old, I make enough money to support a kid with no problems. My parents are supportive but well I really don't know if my lifestyle would be suited for a kid. I would have to stop everything, drinking, smoking, and other extracurricular activities. I love kids, I really do, I am good with them but I don't know how good I would be full time. I need serious advice on if we should keep it. My girlfriend says she will stand by my decision because she does not want to make the decision. I have never been this scared in my life.

 

[housegsx]

I wouldn't have a kid. And I'm 26.

 

[blkwidow]

Hmmm......Why do I feel a big debate coming on? I say do what you think is best. It kind of already sounds like you're leaning on not keeping it.

 

[thegchild04]

Kids having kids, not so smart

 

[Timechg]

For me, I would have to find an unselfish reason why not to keep the baby. I've heard people say that it is in the best interest of the child, I can't give them the best, and I heard you say that you would have to change your lifestyle etc. They may sound like noble reasons not to keep the baby, but at the end of the day it's all about you. I would keep the baby and work through it even if it is difficult. I think your family would be able to pull together and be okay. It is your decision, but you should do some more research and more soul searching.

Tim

 

[talonalex92]

If your doubting it, dont do it.

 

[zero97tsi]

18 is young to have a child, and not to say then when the time calls for it your not, but it will require alot of maturity on your end, like you said, a lot of life changes. Personally I don't think you should try and make this descision based on what others think you should do, yes, they may have been in that sort of a position, but they werent in your personal postion as far as life/relationship/etc.

I'd say that you just need to sit down, talk about it with your girlfriend, and genuinely think about both sides of the descision. There's really no easy answer anyone else but yourself can provide.

 

[delta448]

I'm not trying to convince you either way but l had to make this choice not too long ago so please allow me just enough space to share my experience and I'll be done.

My girl and I had been dating for about 6 yrs on and off and on and... (I wasn't always as loyal as I was horny) -when she got pregnant. I was scared to death. I chose to "stand up and be a man" as my Dad put it and I've done my best to not look back. My girl (now my wife, to whom I am completely faithful) and I have had a tough time financially ever since. We are currently living with my in-laws and I am putting in 80+ hr weeks at work and school (together we barely make 30k/yr). My car has become neglected, my sanity nearly drained and my home life is now a living nightmare due to sharing my in-laws' farmhouse with 8 other people. But, I would never trade my son for any amount of money, any other woman or any other rediculous superficial reason. My wife and I have since had another child, a little girl... the 2 kids are 15 months apart and my family is now complete. I believe that everything happens for a reason and it wouldn't have happened if it weren't meant to be. How anyone could ever look at their child as a mistake that needed to be avoided is beyond me. If you decide to keep your child, you will never regret it, whether you stay with the mother or not. I can't say the same about your other options.

 

[1g_tsi_awd]

Have you thought about adoption? I have no idea what I would do being a fairly active 18 year old as well... Best of luck man.

 

[leet]

Jesus, Bart, I told you not to breed.

 

[TrboANTsi]

im 28 and im still a big ass kid. i dont have my priorities straight. and if i remember correctly when i was 18 i had a good job and thought i was responsible enough for anything.....trust me you arent. your life will completely change and i dont think you need that so early on in your life. but as always the choice is yours..but as said before...kids having kids..aint kool man.

p.s. if your not resposible enough to pull out then..errr you know the rest!! g/l with your decision.

 

[Bigglesworth87]

Dont do the deed if you cant accept responsibility. Birth control should of been used from square one! If you cant handle having the baby, then put it up for adoption. Dont kill the thing. Its not the babies fault that you couldn't wrap the tool and get the g/f on the pill.

 

[nice97civic]

i agree with the advice that if you're having doubts, then its probably not a good idea to have a child at this point in your life. i know for sure, i wasnt ready at all when i was 18 and im still not ready at 22. i also think that your girlfriend needs to help in the decision, its not fair for her to put all the weight of deciding whether or not to have a child on your shoulders. i also think that you, your girlfriend and both parties families should sit down together and discuss what the best option would be.

 

[VETTE_50_TH]

Oh this sounds oh too familiar. I'll tell you right now, your gf will care once you decide either way. Whether it be you have an abortion, she will go through a ton of pain. Or if you decide to keep it, you and your girlfriend will feel the pain and struggle. If you do keep it, i hope you grow up and take your step towards manhood. Either way, i hope this is a learning experience for the both of you two. I know it was for me.

James

 

[leet]

i agree with the advice that if you're having doubts, then its probably not a good idea to have a child at this point in your life. i know for sure, i wasnt ready at all when i was 18 and im still not ready at 22. i also think that your girlfriend needs to help in the decision, its not fair for her to put all the weight of deciding whether or not to have a child on your shoulders. i also think that you, your girlfriend and both parties families should sit down together and discuss what the best option would be.

Legally, the woman is the only one with a say in the matter. She can do whatever she wants.

 

[nice97civic]

i know, but he said that she gave him final say in the matter and she would do what he wanted. thats the only reason i brought that up

 

[dsmzoom]

It sounds like your having some doubts about this whole thing. Something like this you need to be sure of and the last thing you need are doubts. So if you and your girlfriend chose not to have the child, now you have to go on your morales as well as your girlfriends and decide between abortion or adoption.

 

[99gst_racer]

If you think you two can provide a healthy lifestyle for a child, then go for it.

You're going to have to change your lifestyle sometime - what better time than now. Personally, I'd rather be a 18 year old father than a 35 year old partier/bar fly. We all have to grow up sometime, and it's not as bad as it sounds. I'm actually going through the "settling down" process right now.

It all boils down to you and your girlfriend. If you both are capable (mentally and financially) to be parents, then I'm sure you'll be just fine. But if you have any doubts in either of your capabilities, then birth may not be in the best interest of you two and/or the child.

 

[dsmfa9nutter]

Doesn't sound like you're ready.

 

[fwdeclipse]

Dont do the deed if you cant accept responsibility. Birth control should of been used from square one! If you cant handle having the baby, then put it up for adoption. Dont kill the thing. Its not the babies fault that you couldn't wrap the tool and get the g/f on the pill.

I one hundred percent agree with this guys comment. Why are you being neglegent in the first place if she did become preganant if you could not or want to have a baby. That is what condoms and birth control is for. This actually pisses me off, oh since I am a idiot and did not protect myself I am just going to murder this baby. At least if you dont want it there is some family out there that cant have kids that would love a chance with a child.

I am not against abortion in all aspects, if for instance my wife was raped by a drug addict or something like that, I would have to think about it then. In your sitiuation IMO you should man up and have the baby.

 

[EDM95]

It is time to grow up. You knew what could happen before hand and now it has happend.
So my advice to you is step up and be a man you were man enough to fool around now take some responsibility for your actions. I cant belive you are even thinking of a abortion you sir make me sick for even thinking of doing that, if you can not take care of a baby give to some one who can consider adoption before abortion.

 

[neoviper]

You're o.p tells me alot about what type of person you are. The fact that your man enough to admit your genuinely scared says alot. You immediately told us you had the financial and emotional support to go through with the decision, so you've thought about keeping it,your only concern was your lifestyle. You like kids too. I think your more mature than you think you are. I think you should have the kid. Once you have it you probablly won't even want to do half the crap you did before. Yeah it'll be tough and I'm not saying this from personal experiance, but life goes on. If you push the button life won't go on for that baby. Put it this way, whether the kid is born yet or not, IT'S STILL YOUR FLESH AND BLOOD! At the very least if you decide your not ready to be a father than put it up for adoption, theres plenty of unffortunate people out there who would do anything for a child. I know this is a sensitive subject but everyone is allowed to put in their .02 and mine is that nobody has the right to deny a child the right to live just because it hasn't left its mothers womb. Do the right thing bro.

Think about it, it'll be a little you ( at least thats what excits me about having a kid )!
And when it is born you can post pictures of the kid all over this forum!

 

[talontd92tsi]

At one point i thought my life would be over if i had kids...


now i think my life would be meaningless without my kids.

If you cant hack it, put her/him up for adoption, and let them make someone else proud.

 

[hpexperts]

i think its grow up time, no one is ever ready to have a child. my story is i am 23 my wife 30 and we are trying to have a baby for 1 year now and every time she thinks missed her period that or feels she may be pregnant i get scared, i start thinking of how many things i have to chage to be a good father and it all comes down to, it will all fall in place when she really is. my point is even if you are prepared you never ready. having a kid it dosen't mean you can't go out hang out, have fun party, i belive you will be more cautious about it. before you go street racing with some kids you gona think 3 times about it. it happand to me after i got married. my dad allways said 10% of your life is the bad thinks that happan to you the other 90% is what you do with the 10%. you will be fine, you will make the best desicion.

T...

 

[kdoddzie]

It is time to grow up. You knew what could happen before hand and now it has happend.
So my advice to you is step up and be a man you were man enough to fool around now take some responsibility for your actions. I cant belive you are even thinking of a abortion you sir make me sick for even thinking of doing that, if you can not take care of a baby give to some one who can consider adoption before abortion.

I'm going to have to agree with this. You knew the potential consequences before you did it.

Being an 18 year old girl, I would never have an abortion unless I was raped. Maybe adoption but only if I was unable to give my child what he or she deserves.

As for your lifestyle changes (regardless of having a child), it's going to be easier to quit bad habits now while you're young rather than waiting until you're older. And as for the drinking/smoking thing... No older adult I've talked to said they regretted quitting . If anything, they wished they would've quit earlier or never even started.

I know this is kind of random but...

If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis; would you recommend that she have an abortion?

For those of you who say yes, you would've told her she should kill Beethoven. What if your child was destined to do something amazing?

Good luck.