Dumbest things you've heard a DSMer say? :)

[agarc023]

I got one from last night at a big car meet. All kinds of cars an people showed up....and we got to park next to the Honda guys

Anyways I'm there leaning on the passenger side of my Spyder talking to my buddy and this guy comes up to us.

Him: "Nice talon, is it yours?" as he stares at the talon parked next to me, on the driver side. I looked at him like

Me: "Nah man I got this Spyder"

He gives it a blank stare..

Him: "so why didn't you get the coupe spyder instead of this one?"

Me: WTF

Before I can respond he goes on...

Him: "yeah, I woulda bought one of these if I coulda found the v6 version. I WOULDA BOUGHT THAT bi*** UP! But my buddy told me the four bangers make more power"

Me: still like WTF, but starting to get over it as I start to realize that I will never know how this guys thought process works. "oh well thats cool man"

Him: "so you into hondas at all?"

Me: "nope"

Him: "MITSUBISHI FOR LIFE! yeah...I used to be one of those guys but with american muscle. I have a 900 horse Chevelle, a Cobra, and a Corvette. My buddy gave me a ride in his boosted Civic. There ain't nothing like it...so I bought a teg"

He points to a teg that looks like an old beater

Him again: "so you wanna line up sometime?"

Me: "nah man it's ok, Im pretty much all stock"

Him: "..." and he walks away

Me: WTF

 

[98GSXin]

Two nights ago I got hit up by a guy who wanted to come check out some parts I had for sale. An intake with the bov recirc fitting, a k&n filter and an uicp. A logical person would think, nice he's got a turbo car and I might get to meet a new dsmer in the area. ... Not the case.

He shows up in an RS that has visibly been beat to shit and repainted at least once. Fart can muffler and stickers galore. He gets out of the car with his shirt off (WTF) and basically shaking. His hands were trembling. I didn't approach him until he put a shirt on. I explain that these parts won't work for his car because of the recirc fitting and his lack of an intercooler to put the piping on. The rest goes like this:

crackhead: Don't worry about it. I've got this SICK guy I met on craigslist who is a mobile mechanic. He can do anything with cars. I'll get him to make it fit.
me:
crackhead continues without hardly taking a breath: Yeah man I met this guy two days ago and me and him spent 15 hours straight working on my engine. We rebuilt it from the crank up to the valves with used parts for $100. This guy really knows his shit.
me:
crackhead continues, still shaking: But why won't these fit again. I mean. My guy is pretty SICK with cars. I know he can make it work. But what were you saying?
me: (insert turbo system explanation)
crackhead: Oh so its like that! you don't want to make no money then. I see.
me: I would happily take your money, but you have to know that these will not fit in your car. Let me show you. *pops hood*

I kid you not I almost cried when he opened the hood. He had like a 4" intake pipe that went from the tb and ran all the way to where the stock intake sits on an n/a. Then angled down straight to the floor where it sat 2" off the ground. WITH NO AIR FILTER!. I had so many questions and so little time.

me: Why don't you have a filter?
crackhead: I think it fell off. I heard a crunch a week ago, but figured it was no big deal.
me: Dude. That's not safe. You're going to suck a rock up into that rebuilt motor of yours.
crackhead: No it should be fine. This is just my temporary set up before I turbo it anyways.
me: *starting to lose my cool and barely able to hold back the urge to shake the guy violently and laugh in his face uncontrollably* Cool man. You need this filter worse than I thought. I'll cut you a deal if you promise to put it on asap.
crackhead: NOW THATS what I'm talkin' bout!

He bought it and then on his way out, revved it up to the limiter and chirped the tires. Laughing his fool head off.

Moral of the story: Crackheads should not be allowed in or around cars, let alone a dsm.

 

[XiKeiyaZI]

Two nights ago I got hit up by a guy who wanted to come check out some parts I had for sale. An intake with the bov recirc fitting, a k&n filter and an uicp. A logical person would think, nice he's got a turbo car and I might get to meet a new dsmer in the area. ... Not the case.

He shows up in an RS that has visibly been beat to shit and repainted at least once. Fart can muffler and stickers galore. He gets out of the car with his shirt off (WTF) and basically shaking. His hands were trembling. I didn't approach him until he put a shirt on. I explain that these parts won't work for his car because of the recirc fitting and his lack of an intercooler to put the piping on. The rest goes like this:

crackhead: Don't worry about it. I've got this SICK guy I met on craigslist who is a mobile mechanic. He can do anything with cars. I'll get him to make it fit.
me:
crackhead continues without hardly taking a breath: Yeah man I met this guy two days ago and me and him spent 15 hours straight working on my engine. We rebuilt it from the crank up to the valves with used parts for $100. This guy really knows his shit.
me:
crackhead continues, still shaking: But why won't these fit again. I mean. My guy is pretty SICK with cars. I know he can make it work. But what were you saying?
me: (insert turbo system explanation)
crackhead: Oh so its like that! you don't want to make no money then. I see.
me: I would happily take your money, but you have to know that these will not fit in your car. Let me show you. *pops hood*

I kid you not I almost cried when he opened the hood. He had like a 4" intake pipe that went from the tb and ran all the way to where the stock intake sits on an n/a. Then angled down straight to the floor where it sat 2" off the ground. WITH NO AIR FILTER!. I had so many questions and so little time.

me: Why don't you have a filter?
crackhead: I think it fell off. I heard a crunch a week ago, but figured it was no big deal.
me: Dude. That's not safe. You're going to suck a rock up into that rebuilt motor of yours.
crackhead: No it should be fine. This is just my temporary set up before I turbo it anyways.
me: *starting to lose my cool and barely able to hold back the urge to shake the guy violently and laugh in his face uncontrollably* Cool man. You need this filter worse than I thought. I'll cut you a deal if you promise to put it on asap.
crackhead: NOW THATS what I'm talkin' bout!

He bought it and then on his way out, revved it up to the limiter and chirped the tires. Laughing his fool head off.

Moral of the story: Crackheads should not be allowed in or around cars, let alone a dsm.

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[98GSXin]

Lose the shirt and give him a goatee, then you'll see what I was dealing with!

 

[SubversionX]

I had an instance the other week I'm not proud of, but you'll probably all get a laugh out of it. Whether or not it was just a mechanic's troubleshooting fluke, in the end I just looked kind of stupid...

I had put my stock 2g headers on craigslist for $30, which didn't take long for someone to call about. On his way to pick it up, he called to ask for directions to my complex, in which I said "You should be able to see me, the garage door is open. I'm having some electrical issues right now."
"Oh really?" he responded, "I'm a certified electrician over at BMW, maybe I can help you out!"
"Seriously, if you can help me find this power drain from the battery, the headers are yours hands down."
So about fifteen minutes later he shows up, and after introductions he starts tracing the drain down with the multimeter.
He looks at me, and then at the back of the car, and then looks at me again.
"What's up? Figure something out?" I ask.
With a mixed look of concern and disappointment, he points to the rear hatch and asks "Has your rear hatch been open this whole time?"
It hit me like a sack of bricks. I had always left my rear hatch open to store my "garage beer." I closed the hatch, and the power draw disappeared.

I was so ashamed and embarrassed, and felt somewhat patronized when he gave me the old line,"it happens to the best of us"

He reluctantly took the headers, which I refused to take any payment for, and was cool about the whole thing. But the shame is permanently burned into my memory.

So for this reason especially, I know that for the most part, I should keep my mouth closed and my ears open. Because as much as I'd like to think I know everything about anything, ignorance makes you look even dumber than forgetting to close a door and wondering why your battery constantly draws power.

 

[crusada]

It happens to the best of us I had done this one time while hooking a system up it kept blowing the fuse in the amp. Come to find out in the end I had put the power in the ground and ground in the power. I struggled for a week took it to a friend he looked at me smacked me in the head and said look DUMB A$$. I felt ashamed

 

[g4ebguy90]

I had an instance the other week I'm not proud of, but you'll probably all get a laugh out of it. Whether or not it was just a mechanic's troubleshooting fluke, in the end I just looked kind of stupid...

I had put my stock 2g headers on craigslist for $30, which didn't take long for someone to call about. On his way to pick it up, he called to ask for directions to my complex, in which I said "You should be able to see me, the garage door is open. I'm having some electrical issues right now."
"Oh really?" he responded, "I'm a certified electrician over at BMW, maybe I can help you out!"
"Seriously, if you can help me find this power drain from the battery, the headers are yours hands down."
So about fifteen minutes later he shows up, and after introductions he starts tracing the drain down with the multimeter.
He looks at me, and then at the back of the car, and then looks at me again.
"What's up? Figure something out?" I ask.
With a mixed look of concern and disappointment, he points to the rear hatch and asks "Has your rear hatch been open this whole time?"
It hit me like a sack of bricks. I had always left my rear hatch open to store my "garage beer." I closed the hatch, and the power draw disappeared.

I was so ashamed and embarrassed, and felt somewhat patronized when he gave me the old line,"it happens to the best of us"

He reluctantly took the headers, which I refused to take any payment for, and was cool about the whole thing. But the shame is permanently burned into my memory.

So for this reason especially, I know that for the most part, I should keep my mouth closed and my ears open. Because as much as I'd like to think I know everything about anything, ignorance makes you look even dumber than forgetting to close a door and wondering why your battery constantly draws power.

I once paid $20 when I was 16 to have a muffler tip installed.
The guy stuck it on, took a wrench with a 12mm socket tighten down the 3 bolts and that was it. , did it in the parking lot, I felt like such a dumb***.

 

[macks96boltdsm]

i swear its fuel cut

 

[Boostinsideways]

"Has your rear hatch been open this whole time?"

Dude I can't tell you how many times I've had to roll start both of my 2gs combined because if don't slam the #### out of the trunk that GD open door bulb stays lit on the dash and I don't own a jumper pack. Luckily enough both My garage and my dark spot at work on top of a steep enough incline to get a good clutch pop in.

It took me forever to figure out where my power was going, Then it was like omfg...

 

[Fotowntalon]

I just took off the sensor to my trunk so i dont have to worry about it... Of course this could always backfire if it wasnt really latched... but I rather have that fly up when driving then the hood right?

 

[Boostinsideways]

Yeah thats what I ended up doing as well Fotown, I really doubt a full weight hatch is gonna get enough lift to fly up unless you have brand new struts on it.

 

[DaRKSiDeGSX]

I've got a GREAT stupid dsmer statement.... I've even made it myself

******************* " I WANT ANOTHER ONE." ***********************

stupid dsmers.......

 

[4Lurker4]

^^ Not stupid, just sadistic

 

[Achelea]

^^ Not stupid, just sadistic

Sadist like giving pain. Masochistic is the word you're looking for.

 

[4Lurker4]

Sadist like giving pain. Masochistic is the word you're looking for.

Yes actually, thanks for that. Although, we do give pain to others by spending WAY too much time under the hood. So I guess a bit of both worlds.

 

[Achelea]

Which brings to mind a quote my brother made.

"You can't spell BDSM without DSM."

 

[Eclipsed]

It's been a while since I've had something worthy to even post here. I guess, more so, I am just annoyed.

I recently put my Spyder up for sale. I hate selling cars to begin with. Tire kickers, people who can't afford the car so they haggle, off the wall trade offers, etc. I've received quite a few dumb and rather annoying emails and messages. I could write a book in dealing with idiots while I was selling a car.

One was from a guy who felt that Spyders were ugly, so he took it upon himself to let me know. Of course he had no interest in the car. Another guy decided to tell me he "new everything" [sic] about DSMs and my Spyder was clearly non-turbo. Even with a picture of the engine, he felt he had to fill me in on his knowledge. Of course he wasn't interested in the car either, just felt like telling me he "noes about DSMs" [sic].

As an avatar I have a picture of my EVO on a few forums that are DSM related. And you guessed it, I got messages saying EVOs were ugly, unreliable, and pieces of crap. Did any of these people have an interest in the car? Nope. Again same forum, one guy felt like telling me Eclipse convertibles were ugly and Talon convertibles were better looking.

Rather annoying, but at least I get to laugh at the stupidity.

 

[PieEyedPiper]

In the last week I've seen around 4 people actually post up that the DSM in not 50/50 in nature and "itz like 70/30 kno?"

It's really interesting to see how topics and discussions that have been beaten into the ground for almost 10 years just spring back up, and in numbers.

 

[kimba1666]

so i run into some guy with a super clean stock looking 2gA talon at a meet and decide to go talk to him.

ME: hey is that turbo?

HIM: yep, its boosted

ME: very nice car! what turbo you running?

HIM: well right now none, i blew my turbo so i took it off. right now im just running N/A

ME: (in head ) hhhmmm cool. *walks away*

I swear, if you were in San Diego, you'd be talking about the guy I met. Plus he had a brand new 2gb bumper

 

[Tfitch90]

Today in the nwbie forum.




I have a garrett t3/t4 installed on my gst (rebuilt 420a) and my best friend just gave me a 16g ported 20g turbo. would it be smart to swap the turbos or is the garrett turbo just as good. which turbo would be faster?

 

[schumy]

I just got a dumb one tonight! some kid insisted to see my engine so I showed him. Hes like, "so you run turbo oil with that 20g right?" I was at a loss, than he also stated in his gst he is working on puting a air tank in his trunk to blow air through his exhaust mani to spool his turbo at 1000 rpm. I was like sweet dude make me a kit whin your done.

i think i cried i laughed so hard

 

[pnbdash]

"you have two radiators"... why???

 

[GSXSixteenG]

I had an instance the other week I'm not proud of, but you'll probably all get a laugh out of it. Whether or not it was just a mechanic's troubleshooting fluke, in the end I just looked kind of stupid...
.....

It hit me like a sack of bricks. I had always left my rear hatch open to store my "garage beer." I closed the hatch, and the power draw disappeared.

I did something like this over the weekend. I spent about 20 mins between finding my test light and checking all the fuses, trying to figure out why my passenger window would not go down. Come to figure it out, the window lock was on. I felt like such a retard.

In my defense, in my dd Nissan Frontier, you can control the passenger window with the driver controls with the window lock on. My dsm has been off the road since Oct. '08 as well.

 

[Tfitch90]

Today I was playing gran turismo and im on my bluetooth and im talking with this guy who claims he owned a v8 audi a4. "yea it was to much for me thing had two transmissions" He claims to work at a performance shop.

 

[audiomaster1990]

I got three in one night.
So me and a couple of friends are at the local car meet a couple of weeks ago, and this dude pulls up in a mostly clean Evo 8, clean except for a super jacked front bumper. He gets out, pops his hood, and we all see that He is running it with no air filter at all. So i tell him intake/headers/smim/bov are nice, but he needs to get an air filter on there pronto. He was quick to explain to me that he runs no filter because without it he spools to 26psi at 2000 rpm, and thats the only way he can get traction. WTF
He then goes over to my buddies 98 GST and asks what intake /head he is running. he says 1g intake/head, and this guy begins telling him that he needs to run a 2g intake mani with his 1g head. After ten minutes of arguing with him about the fact that there would be huge gaps if you tried to put a 2g intake mani on a 1g head, my buddy goes " Ill bet $200 that it wont work. I have a 2g intake in the trunk, and i'll pull it apart right now to show you." Dude was silent.
Then, when im talking about my build to a couple of friends that i hadn't seen in forever, some random dude tells me " You should drill the oil squirters out so they wont clog, plus you'll get better oil pressure that way. I did it to mine and my oil pressure was awesome"
Yeah, i bet.