Dumbest things you've heard a DSMer say? :)

[LiquidX]

My father is always getting on my ass because there is always something I'm fixing on my car. He tells me one day...

Him - Now what was the engineering thought process behind beating on the underside of your hood a million times in just one spot just so it could close all the way because they decided to put a motor in it that was inherently too big but couldn't turn around and change all of the engines out of the cars already built. It must have made too much sense to put a hood on it that actually fit and was even. I don't know what it is about those Japanese car makers.

Me - Actually it's domestic.

Him - I still think the hump looks stupid.

That's actually pretty good, put your father in his place with 3 words.

 

[cabbageman97]

Yeah haha I was proud. Normally he's the one making me look stupid. He's good at it . We always joke around and make fun of the car. Some of the things he says are pretty clever. I'll see if I can sucker him into giving me another post tonight

 

[Colt90tsi]

Im at a buddies house in my 1g, well two random guys show up I dont know..

1st guy: sick is it turbo?
2nd guy: of course its turbo idiot! its got a turbo scoop.

, some people....

 

[XyoungmurdaX]

so some kid at my school
kid: is it turbo?
me: ya
kid: how much lbs
me: 22
kid: thats how much my m3 is running stock
me: really?
kid: ya and its supercharged stock
me: how much hp
kid: like 900 to all wheels
me: oh so its the awd model?
kid: ya, it hits 0-60 in 2.5 seconds, and its tuned where i hit my 900hp at 1k rpms
me: great.... want to run me? im sure youll kill me
kid: nah my injector gaskets are out, and i dont have the title
me: i couldnt contain it started to laugh
kid: looks at me like im stupid
me: have fun with that supercharged m3 stock im sure you must have spend lots of money and won lots of races (walk away)

 

[Tanro]

As I have come to learn more and more about these cars I think the guy that got me into them is full of shit.

He was talkin about his engine one day :
" Yeah I got an evo III 16g. 650cc Injectors, magnus motorsports 2.3L stroker kit, .030 pistons, turned my crank, some headwork done, and I am pushing 584 AWHP"

other guy "What kind of tuning do you run?"

Him "Oh I got this company on ebay to flash my ecu with a jdm chip"

Now see I believed him back when I got into these cars first off. But now I look at his engine and well it looks exactly like mine with a bigger turbo. His ECU isn't even EPROM. His transfer case and transmission really look to be to damn dirty to have been rebuilt by Shepracing 3000 miles ago. He is still running 16 psi on the stock everything besides engine internals.... maybe. is 500 WHP even possible on pump gas @ 16 psi with a 2.3L stroker?

He sure as hell did know how to pull the engine out really quick though.

 

[mainerdsm]

He sure as hell did know how to pull the engine out really quick though.

WHat dsm owner doesnt haha.

 

[motox-010]

Not DSM related. But the company I work for has magnets with our name and number etc. on them.
Well today at the home show, some punk kids that I know where trying to be funny. So I told them to stick a few of our magnets on the new Chevy's that where a couple booths down. Told them front and center on the bumpers. Well I watch them walk down there. And try to sneakily stick one on the '10 Camaro front bumper. They try the bumpers of everything else (Malibu, Buick, Aveo, and a G6)
Well they all fall.
They pick em up and walk back and say "These magnets suck, they wouldn't even stick to those cars"

This coming from a kid who supposedly works at a body shop and has swapped a few engines..

 

[96GST20g]

i was at Best Buy with my eclipse N/A with the hood up hookin up some speaker wire for my new 12s =D and a guy in a GST pulls up and starts talking to me and he looked at my engine and says "nice set up what you run in the 1/4mile". I said havnt ran it yet (which i havnt) he then began to bragg about his GST and say all kinds of stuff etc. I asked what he thought about the 4g63t and he said "Whats that" i said your engine. he replyed "oh yea its good but i wish it was a honda motor they are faster." i wanted to hit the guy in the face so bad . but i said well good lucky with that and got in my car and left.

 

[Tanro]

WHat dsm owner doesnt haha.

Me I have only done it 3 times and it still takes me a little over an hour.

He got the bi*** out of his car in under 45 minutes.

 

[kahl23]

is 500 WHP even possible on pump gas @ 16 psi with a 2.3L stroker?

Absolutely.


with a GT4202

 

[Coreyred95]

Well Ive owned an ESi for 5 years now and am looking into getting my first TSi this weekend. granted i dont know a whole lot about turbo systems yet, i do know my N/A setup pretty welln and dumbest thing i have heard didn't happen to me but happened to my cousin Brian. He manages the Tintmasters Motorsports in Minneapolis MN, and some kid with an all stock Cavalier comes in and proceeds with this gem.

kid: I need a blow off valve for my Cavalier
Brian: You got it turbo'd?
kid: no
Brian: plans of getting it turbo'd?
kid: nope, im gonna put it on my PCV valve
Brian: why?
kid: my engine creates lots of pressure

My cousin and the guy who works with him laughed untill he left the store pissed off

 

[ZyklonBZombie]

it's been about 5 or 6 years ago but i remember this honda kid came up to my and a friend (he had a 91 gsx and i had a 92 tsi fwd back them) and said his civic was "forced induction" too and wanted to run us. we run him and leave him behind like is standing still. after we meet back up we asked to see what he had under the hood. he had rigged a vacuum cleaner motor/fan or something to the intake and had a switch in the car to turn it on, MAO .... he said it still had bugs to worked out but when it is running right he could "smoke vettes all night long"

 

[lccynmbr13]

Not DSM related but it happened when I was working ON a DSM at Pina so I think it counts. A bunch of Honda guys walk in as I'm putting a fresh new motor in this guys GSX and I'd yet to put the timing belt cover on (top one). This kid walks over to me and says damn that thing has HUGE cam gears. I'm like ya they're pretty large on 4g63's. He says how much more power do those add? I might have to get some for my Civic!!!

I had to run into the shop and tell Andre after they left we cracked up over it for quite a while.

Needless to say being in a professional atmosphere I explained to the guy why our's are large and why he cannot purchase larger cam gears for his motor.

 

[dsmconifer]

This guy I know was like inst that like an eclipse? doesn't it have a spot to just drop in the front mount?

 

[Chaosweaver]

This guy I know was like inst that like an eclipse? doesn't it have a spot to just drop in the front mount?

Give him a front mount and an universal piping kit, lets see if he can just drop it in... I'm still having nightmares.

 

[XiKeiyaZI]

My first car was a 92 N/T Eclipse....o.o I was living with a 'Mechanic' friend as I was in a tight spot with no cash or job...Well.. It was HIS old car. 1.8, was F'D as one of the engine mounts had snapped off from his 1-2-3-2 Downshift. ;D

Well...I finally got an amazing job and I bought it, WAY over priced. $1250. I knew NOTHING about cars...nothing. At the time I thought he knew more than me. Well, he decides to Turbo his 95 RS.. >> So he goes on eBay and buys a Turbo 'Kit' for $1000. Then has other ricer friends come over to install the turbo, the whole time going " This T3/T4 Turbo is going to be pushing 25 PSI!! It'll be an extra 200 HP!! "

Note, this is a 420a. No tuning. No Forged Internals.. just stock. So he gets the FMIC on, the Turbo, the Manifolds, all that.. the whole time I'm swapping engines in my car (Thank you tuners). Well.. the day he gets it up and running... he rips down the road and goes " It's SO MUCH FASTER! "

Note : He was hearing the horrible sounding BOV.

2 weeks later, the Head Gasket Goes. Oil spits everywhere...and he sells the car.

Well, he moved off.. and contacted me the other day " Hey man! I got a Lexus with a 2JZE in it! "

" Hey man... I own 2 AWD 1g's... One's a stroker that's torn apart and the other is stock "

" Oh.... Well I'm gonna turbo mine. "

" Yeah? Make sure to do this one right. You're going to mechanic school right? They should teach you how to ready your car for a turbo upgrade and tune it so you down blow the engine to hell this time because some teenager in his Cobalt owned your azz. "

>> The conversation ended quickly.

For Laughs. Take this in. 95 RS, 420a, Stock... " This T3/T4 Turbo is going to be pushing 25 PSI!! It'll be an extra 200 HP!! "

 

[Chaosweaver]

I've had a kid in a Spyder tell me his body kit and wing gave him an extra 100 horses.

 

[nothingfiction]

i've heard this kid at the track try to tell me his car has 300 horses because it doesn't have the stock engine because the one he is running came out of a Tiberon.

 

[Alex Bland]

i was in school and some kid that drives a MR2 asks me oh yeah what car do you drive? i replyed with a mitsubishi eclipse and he said oh yeah a first gen right? i said yup.. turboed and all wheel drive too (cause he asked that last time so i just said it) and hes like i thought you had a eagle talon. i was like yeah well it is a eagle talon same thing. and he said no its not they have 2 diffrent motors eagle talon was just a rip off of a mitsubishi eclipse back then and once people found out they died off. i was like oh yeah? ok.. ( i didnt want to try and tell him)

 

[XiKeiyaZI]

Fu-fu-fu.

I actually have a fresh story.. from last night.

So me and my friend are outside working on getting my engine prepped to get back together and I'm trying to decide if I want to put it in my GSX... or my Talon...

Well as we're polishing things up, this Old Covertable Mustang rolls by, slows down, and keeps going. We disrgard it because I get dirty looks because of my car anyway (People here don't understand DSMs. They're all rice-cakes to them and are slow)

Well the guy goes back by and stops. He rolls down his window and I notice he has 2 other people in the car, 2 girls. He yells over " Hey man! That rust bucket ever going to run? "

" Yeah... pretty soon. " I just kept cleaning things up.
" Haha! We'll race when that crapper is running! You'll find me I'm sure! "
I wasn't really bothered by it. The damned Ford is Sloooooow. Well.. as we turn and I grab my valve cover to start sanding it down, the guy burns out away from my driveway laughing and whatnot. In the middle of this I hear a CLUNK, and a sickening grinding noise.

The guys axel snapped. Right there. xD So as a few minutes went by and he was trying to figure out what the hell happened, I called over to him and go " Hey, you're right. It won't be too hard to find you with that axel slapping the ground down the highway. "

;P Perfect example at why being a jackass is a negative thing.

 

[habitatguy187]

^^^^ Haha that's great!

 

[Chaosweaver]

^^^^ !!!!!! I ####ing LOVE Mustang owners that think their shit buckets are fast.

 

[XiKeiyaZI]

^^^^ !!!!!! I ####ing LOVE Mustang owners that think their shit buckets are fast.

That's all that anyone where I live owns. Well... those and 'Fondas'.

And I don't mean decent Hondas... I mean.. Fondas. Like... F'd over Hondas.

So I can't wait to get one of my AWD's up and running. NO ONE here has EVER seen a properly running DSM. Muchless a 4G63T. One was here a long time ago, and it was a 2G that was run into the dirt. Boost leaks, burning oil really bad, and smoked like crazy. Thing was Sloooooow. Again, a victim of the 1-2-3-2 Shift. =/

There have been some hilarious things happen around here like... a Mustang back in highschool was showing out in the parking lot. Well, he was doing donuts and stopped and Power-Braked... and after about 20 seconds of like.. 6k+, one of the pistons shot through the head and out of the hood. I was the only one to look up, blink, and quickly walk inside.

 

[Chaosweaver]

Wow man... I mean, there are some VERY decent Mustangs out there, for example Jimmy Lowry's Cobra is pretty insane. BUT that's when the kids with Mustangs that think that having a V8 means they can run 10s walk in, I can't tell you how many mustang owners I've just had to walk away from to not waste gas.

Possibly the funniest race against a Mustang was some kid with a GT, he had a completely stock engine, from what I told it has 160-170k on it, and a 125 shot of nitrous. He started talking and so on, I was going to ignore him until he made a comment about my unborn daughter at the time (my daughter is now 6 weeks old, the comment was something along the lines of "I hope that kid you're having isn't as slow as your car"). Thus I told the bi*** to race me, we went down to the track, lined up, he of course jumped but I caught up very quickly to him very quickly and then he suddenly disappears. Turns out that the engine couldn't take the nitrous shot and ended up scattered down the pavement. That right there is a text book example of a douche bag who got taught a lesson in humility.

He isn't the only one either man, I live in Jersey, this state is crawling with retards like that kid who will say about anything to get under your skin then make up excuses to why they got destroyed.

 

[XiKeiyaZI]

Wow man... I mean, there are some VERY decent Mustangs out there, for example Jimmy Lowry's Cobra is pretty insane. BUT that's when the kids with Mustangs that think that having a V8 means they can run 10s walk in, I can't tell you how many mustang owners I've just had to walk away from to not waste gas.

Possibly the funniest race against a Mustang was some kid with a GT, he had a completely stock engine, from what I told it has 160-170k on it, and a 125 shot of nitrous. He started talking and so on, I was going to ignore him until he made a comment about my unborn daughter at the time (my daughter is now 6 weeks old, the comment was something along the lines of "I hope that kid you're having isn't as slow as your car"). Thus I told the bi*** to race me, we went down to the track, lined up, he of course jumped but I caught up very quickly to him very quickly and then he suddenly disappears. Turns out that the engine couldn't take the nitrous shot and ended up scattered down the pavement. That right there is a text book example of a douche bag who got taught a lesson in humility.

He isn't the only one either man, I live in Jersey, this state is crawling with retards like that kid who will say about anything to get under your skin then make up excuses to why they got destroyed.

That, is absolutely Genius.