Dumbest things you've heard a DSMer say? :)

[thatblondechik]

My brother and I were walking in to walmart, I had just parked my car and I noticed these guys staring at it...

Ricer 1: *looking at my brother* That's a nice car man, what you got done to it?
Bro: Not mine, it's hers
All Ricers: *blankly stare at me*
Me: Yea...it's mine.
Ricer 1: Yea that's mine over there *points to a Camero V6*
Me: MmmHmm.

Well we walk off without incident that day. But that confrontation was important for the next one...
So about a week later, my boyfriend and I are walking back into walmart...and I see the same little group of guys hanging out in front. We walk in and they all see me and stare...I don't look...hoping they'll take a hint.

But alas...as we're walking back out.

Ricer 1: Hey! My guy wants to race you *wildly pointing at another ricer kid*
Ok...that caught my attention...so I turned around to see what the ricer kid had to offer.
Me: Oh yea? What's he got?
Ricer: Turbo civic running an <b>R12</b>
Me: What now? What kind of engine?
Ricer: R12
Me: Is his engine a jug full of refrigerant?
Ricer: What? Do you know anything?
Me: Right...*The BF and I turn around and start walking away*
Ricer: So you gonna race?
Me: *yelling over the shoulder* Nope! Why don't you race him in that Camero.
Ricer: Already have! ...man you ####in' ricers...no one ever wants to race

 

[MrBoxx]

Eh.. I guess I'll throw in. Working at an auto parts store, I got to hear all kinds of stuff.

One day, a guy came in, but wasn't really looking at anything in particular. He asked if we could order aftermarket parts. Sure we can.

Him:"I just want to make my car faster. So.. what parts would I need?"
"Well, what kind of car is it?"
Him: "It's a '96 Sebring JXI. It's already pretty fast."
At this point, he really caught my attention, so me and RJ started messing with him.
"Oh yeah, what do you have done to it so far?"
Him: "I put in those Bosch double platinum plugs (anyone who knows me or has read my FAQ on plugs knows that this IMMEDIATELY caught my attention) and I gained 25 horsepower!" (that is word-for-word what he said.)
RJ just looked at me with a smile on his face, knowing that this was going to get good.
"Oh yeah? What dyno did you use?"
Him: "No dyno. I can just FEEL it." (attempt to keep a straight face here)
"Ohhh.. anything else?"
Him: "Well, it's just really fast. One time, a street racer driving a Mitsubishi Eclipse 3000 (huh?) pulled up to me at a light and when I revved on him, he must have heard something in my engine, ### he didn't want to race me. He was afraid I'd beat him."
"Ohhhhh... wow."
Him: "Hey, are you good at engine sounds?"
"What do you mean?"
Him: "Can you listen to my engine and maybe tell me what he heard to scare him?"
"Sure!"
So we go outside and he pops his hood and I see a basic Chrysler engine, V6. He gets in and revs it a bit. Nothing special.
Him: "So, do you hear anything?"
"Uhh.. I hear maybe a squeaky water pump pulley or your belt. Other than that, you have pretty much a stock engine."
Him: "Oh... well, I want to get an intake, but I don't want to lose my fuel-injection, ### that's what gives me my power."
"Umm.. your fuel injection?"
He points to a black plastic box in the air intake tract, behind the filter, before the IM. It's a sound resonator/silencer. Him:"That's where the fuel and the air mixes and gives me the extra power."
"Umm.. that's not where the fuel is injected. That's just an air intake silencer."

Long story short, this guy proceeded to tell RJ and I that he wants to turn his car into a "collector's car" by adding all these aftermarket parts. Then he mentioned something about how convertibles are better for loud sound systems because the "soft top reverberates the sound and sends it 'forward'. Hard top cars don't reverberate, so they're worse for sound systems." RJ had a little talk with him about that. I had to go in the back room and relieve some laughter.

The sad thing is, as RJ pointed out after he left, is that someone out there thinks that this guy knows what he's talking about.

 

[Red97Eclipseboy]

Eh.. I guess I'll throw in. Working at an auto parts store, I got to hear all kinds of stuff.

One day, a guy came in, but wasn't really looking at anything in particular. He asked if we could order aftermarket parts. Sure we can.

Him:"I just want to make my car faster. So.. what parts would I need?"
"Well, what kind of car is it?"
Him: "It's a '96 Sebring JXI. It's already pretty fast."
At this point, he really caught my attention, so me and RJ started messing with him.
"Oh yeah, what do you have done to it so far?"
Him: "I put in those Bosch double platinum plugs (anyone who knows me or has read my FAQ on plugs knows that this IMMEDIATELY caught my attention) and I gained 25 horsepower!" (that is word-for-word what he said.)
RJ just looked at me with a smile on his face, knowing that this was going to get good.
"Oh yeah? What dyno did you use?"
Him: "No dyno. I can just FEEL it." (attempt to keep a straight face here)
"Ohhh.. anything else?"
Him: "Well, it's just really fast. One time, a street racer driving a Mitsubishi Eclipse 3000 (huh?) pulled up to me at a light and when I revved on him, he must have heard something in my engine, ### he didn't want to race me. He was afraid I'd beat him."
"Ohhhhh... wow."
Him: "Hey, are you good at engine sounds?"
"What do you mean?"
Him: "Can you listen to my engine and maybe tell me what he heard to scare him?"
"Sure!"
So we go outside and he pops his hood and I see a basic Chrysler engine, V6. He gets in and revs it a bit. Nothing special.
Him: "So, do you hear anything?"
"Uhh.. I hear maybe a squeaky water pump pulley or your belt. Other than that, you have pretty much a stock engine."
Him: "Oh... well, I want to get an intake, but I don't want to lose my fuel-injection, ### that's what gives me my power."
"Umm.. your fuel injection?"
He points to a black plastic box in the air intake tract, behind the filter, before the IM. It's a sound resonator/silencer. Him:"That's where the fuel and the air mixes and gives me the extra power."
"Umm.. that's not where the fuel is injected. That's just an air intake silencer."

Long story short, this guy proceeded to tell RJ and I that he wants to turn his car into a "collector's car" by adding all these aftermarket parts. Then he mentioned something about how convertibles are better for loud sound systems because the "soft top reverberates the sound and sends it 'forward'. Hard top cars don't reverberate, so they're worse for sound systems." RJ had a little talk with him about that. I had to go in the back room and relieve some laughter.

The sad thing is, as RJ pointed out after he left, is that someone out there thinks that this guy knows what he's talking about.

Beautiful! I 'd all over the place.

 

[russgvrs]

"no no no its not crankwalk I just need a new clutch"

 

[GofaST4life]

these stories rock...

ive got one, its form last summer and its wasnt a DSMer, but still funny...me and a couple buddies always hang out down town, ya know gujs talking about guy stuff, cars, girls, etc...

some kid in a SRT4 (blue) pulls up, parks, gets out and walks up to us...

him: whose eclipse is that
me: mine, why?
him: you wanna go race?
me: no, sorry i dont race
him: why not?
me: endangering other peoples lives including mine by driving on the streets at a high rate of speed, really just isnt my thing.
him: oh well, you wouldnt stand a chance anyway
me: whys that?
him: cause i just got my twin turbo done (the car sounded very stock when he pulled up)
me: WTF ....right, you go have fun with that...

he got back into his car, did a burnout, and got pulled over about 200 feet away...my and my buddies were laughing so hard...

 

[leet]

Eh.. I guess I'll throw in. Working at an auto parts store, I got to hear all kinds of stuff.

Hehe, there are a few guys here around town that always try to tell me what I should do to my car. Most of it is things I've already done or know that I should not do.

These days, I'd rather spend money on ammunition than car parts. Shooting half of a mile is much more fun for me than racing for a quarter mile.

 

[dsmchick44]

I'm sure you guys have had people say this one.....

"Wheres the button for the turbo?" or " How do i turn on the turbo?" hahaha

I dont know how many(mostly girls) ask me that question....i usually cant stop laughing long enough for me to give a response

 

[dsmzoom]

"So you put on that intake yourself, did you have problems with the shifter putting it into D after?"

 

[MrBoxx]

Then there was the youngster with a red 1g N/T who used to come to my store all the time. He had what must have been a 15" sub speaker in the hatch, and used to thump that thing louder than hell. He once told me that his car was "really fast, it really gets up and goes" (of course it does, dear) and that the motor was a "2000 Eclipse motor". Now, I hadn't heard that swap before, so I asked him if I could see it. To my suprise, he said yes, and popped his hood. There, sitting in his engine bay, was an Eclipse motor, that happened to say "16 valve" on the top and "DOHC 2000" on the bottom.

I didn't bother telling him that the "2000" was his displacement in cc's and NOT the year of the engine.

 

[kittay]

YouTube - 12 Second Dreams...

 

[red97tib]

^^^Man that is just way to funny. Almost looks staged. Got to rain on the parade though and say no street racing.

 

[pb3eclipse]

A bunch of my friends and I used to hang out in parking lots in the evening since there's nothing better to do around here and we had a little visit from the the town jackass. He had an Avenger with an intake and just a muffler. Of course he singles me out since we both have the 420A and asked me what all i have done to it. Of course my engine is nothing to awesome but I tell him an intake and a greddy evo 2 catback. He proceeded to tell me that his intake gave him 25 and his muffler gave him 35 hp which gave him 200 hp. And followed up with "dude, since you have a catback, that gave you 45 hp right?". Well, we all stood there and just kinda stared at each other. So after about 30 seconds I looked at him and simply said "you're stupidity just stupified 6 people. You should be proud".

 

[pb3eclipse]

Thought of a something for a good laugh. A friend of ours isn't into cars but he listens to us since we are. A friend of mine and I were riding around with him one day in his toyota Rav 4 and my friend said "hey man, your car's exhaust is kinda loud when you give it gas from a stop. I think you need to go get some new muffler bearings." Well, he looked at my friend, then me and said "really? Are they expensive?" We told him no and told him to go to advance and get them. We walk in there and Jason asks the guy for muffler bearings. The guy at the counter just stares at him and looks at us. We were standing behind him trying not to laugh. The clerk asks, "muffler bearings?". And Jason replies yes. The clerk told him that there's no such thing and Jason stood there and actually argued with him about it. Actually went to the extent to say that the clerk didn't know what he was talking about and stop being difficult. After that, we couldn't take it and just started laughing. His only reply to us was and i quote "####ers". Ah, good times.

 

[motox-010]

Last night at work, I am teamed up with this kid, Brandon, who has a 1980 somethin Porsche 924, 30th anny edition, turboed, blah blah blah. Run 19 pounds of boost, and has a leak in the fuel bypass valve or somethin stupid, so he needs a replacement part for it.

I get off that stupid subject and get on how it sucks my buddy Nick just totalled his GSX.
He says "Oh yea, that thing is badass. Wasnt it like twin turbo and could spin the tires
through 3 gears?"

Me "Oh yea, it was pretty much stock, just intake, FMIC, and some diangostic stuff."

Brandon- "Yea, Nick Robison almost bought a TT Eclipse off ebay for 8k, but he got outbid and bought his N/T Eclipse for 7500. That thing is a piece"

Me"Yea, N/T DSMs arent all that balsy, but with the right stuff they can look nice." This particular one has 97 F&R bumpers. Lowered sittin on some nice 17s, and it has a hi-deck spoiler. Red with a few chrome things. Not to ricey for an N/T car.

Brandon- "DSM?"

Me- "Yea... Diamond Star Motors. Joint operation between Chrysler and Mitsu for about 10 years from the late 80s-90s."

Brandon- "Oh, well my Porsche will smoke anything"

Me- "If I got a nice car I would probally just use it as a DD and have a nice cruiser. Maybe put a few ricers in their place"

Brandon- "Yea, me too. And then I am gonna lift my Nissan truck like 6" and put 33s on it"

Well, since I know a bit about 4 wheel drive and lifting...

Me- "Oh yea? Any gearing changes? Maybe solid front axle swap for better articulation? And for strength to turn those 33s?"

Brandon- "Nope, just a 3" body lift and AAL in the back and crank the torsion bars up front"

Me- "Sounds like a half a$$ed lift kit to me. Just going for how cheap you can. Anyways what kinda tires?"

Brandon- "I dont know, probally some Interco Super Swamper Thornbirds"

Me- "Ohh, well we have an order so lets get to work..."

I like to talk to some-what knowledgable people, but when people think they know to much, and they do know what they are talking about, but start to just talk out their a$$, I get pissed off.


Also: This thread has kept me entertained all day at school!

 

[CrazyM]

Can't remember if this one has been posted yet. But I'm chatting with this guy about DSM's(he knows nothing about them).

Me: Yeah I just got back from picking up my 1990 Laser Turbo
Him: Really? Why'd you buy a cheap laser?
Me:What do you mean?
Him: Its kinda obvious man, Talon's are cheap versions of Eclipse's, and Laser's are cheap versions of Talons.
Me: Oh? Really? That sucks!

haha, but this is also coming from the guy who has a "N\A Skyline engine" in his 1998 Prelude, that NOBODY has ever seen!

 

[sleeper98GST]

I'm sure you guys have had people say this one.....

"Wheres the button for the turbo?" or " How do i turn on the turbo?" hahaha

I dont know how many(mostly girls) ask me that question....i usually cant stop laughing long enough for me to give a response

I can't count the number of times I've been asked this.

 

[Black95awd]

Let see, I had a 1gb turbo guy in germany, tell me these two things.

I run 10.5:1 pistons on 25 psi..... right.

I will be running 25*ish*psi on 10:1 probably with a 30r or 35r. I have seen a 10.5:1 2.5L stroker running 22psi on the stock turbo (EVO IX) ask SBRJoe about the SBR shop EVO. its not impossible.

 

[mini zilo]

Someone on a local forum posted a want to buy ad for a 2g stock turbo.

I Pm'ed her this:

Hi, I have a perfect condition t-25 with no shaft play, 100k, it has never smoked and is in excellent condition, let me know if interested!




This is the PM I got back:




Hmm, I don't know much about the t25, I was looking for a stock turbo. What kind of horsepower gains can I expect from the t25?

 

[Black95awd]

I HATE argueing, if i wanted to argue id go talk to my girlfriend or something

best quote I have heard hands down!

 

[FaTZAch420]

Apparently some of the 91 talons came with a skyline head and ran 4's. Dont ask any questions about the story, but if you dont beileve me PM Coup D'tat....he was there with me....WTF

Oh and I like the good ol' "Boost Fluid" HAHAH Where can I buy more boost fluid? - DSM Forums

That was the funniest damn thing I've read in a while.

 

[Red97Eclipseboy]

That video was amazing! !

 

[canucatchdis]

I know this kid that lives about 20 miles away. I saw him at a gas station one day, and he try's to tell me that his huge diamond star decal gave him 25HP. Keep in mind this is a bone stock 3g. So after i stopped laughing i replied "if you drill holes in your radiator it'll give you 30HP. I havent seen him since. This was about 3years ago. Sorry im a dick, and this kid is no dsm'er

My dad and I had a good laugh at that one. My dad then pointed out this problem. Anyone stupid enough to think a sticker can give you more horse power is too stupid to use a drill.

Sorry

 

[CompuBob_TSi]

not really DSM related, but we were at a Dyno Day at my buddy's shop and this kid with a neon (420a) said his car will make over 300hp, because he has intake = 25hp, exhaust = 40hp, ect and he goes on to add up everything he has which comes out to about 300hp.. well after the laughing was finished he put his car on the dyno and it made 97hp.

I defiantly have him talking about it and the dyno on video somewhere.

 

[4G63TURBOTALON]

Me And My Freind With A 99 Gst, An Awsome Cobra Smokin Car, Were In A Parking Lot And Some Asian Honda Kid Comes Over And Tries To Pic Apart His Gst. He Says Where's Your Hedder? Well I Have A Dp. Where's Your Cold Air Intake? They Really Dont Make One For It Since Its Intercooled And My Fmic Dose That Anyway. Where's Your Turbo? Right There ^!!. How Stupid Can You Get? D#mn!

 

[Plaser]

kid: so this things pretty quick?

me: ya

kid: ya, these were built to compete against the eclipse.

me: dude, why would they compete with it if their the exact same car?

kid: you think im liying?

me: i dont really car cause i didnt ####in ask you!!

kid: whatever, they're still ####y cars cause the factory said the the turbos came with 150hp but they actually had like 100..

me: ok im leaving...