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If a tree falls in a forest and there is no-one around to hear it does it make a sound?
 
Why do women ALWAYS bi*** at you when you spin the bread bag and just fold it under, When putting the twist tie back on isn't going to change anything.

What is the proper order to putting peanut butter and jelly on a sandwhich.
 
Why the hell is it that I procrastinate when I.......?

Eh... I'll write this later.
 
And how do you clean the knife before putting it in the jelly jar.

Thats what the edge of the PB jar is for... and then whatever is left, I wipe off on the clean piece of bread that is just about to get jelly.

Also licking the knife works well, if you arent sharing a jar of jelly, of if they other person doesn't mind you putting your whole mouth in the jar...
 
Why, Why, Why
do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?it could be the internal contacts getting old/dirty

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?its punishment for them having to use their money to cover your lack of financial planning

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?you can check the paint in 5 seconds, you cant even fathom the amount of stars if you tried

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?it requires being exposed to oxygen and two surfaces to cure, inside the bottle, its only exposed to one.

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?in case the lethal injection messes up, he doesnt die from aids. that would be un-constitutional and cruel and unusual punishment

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?maybe he found a razor from a lone hiker?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?its just an act to make you think hes ducking from a revolver, hes really acting like he has a weakness, then later he will use it to his advantage once everyone throws their revolver to try to hurt him, he kicks all their ass cause they have no more weapons to fight with.

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?in case they miss the carrier/battleship the first pass and plow into the ocean, they might live to try again

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?if they didnt, it would be a lip, and everyone has those (females have two sets)

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?they didnt, however, cause some perv raped one in da butt while in africa, we now have aids. thanks you freaky ass perv.

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?ive seen blue and pink bubbles before, you must use the 99 cent store formulas.

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?theyre not. they are just priced that way, the sale is just to lure in the ignorant shoppers who think theyre getting a deal. on days where they actually buy a matress not on sale, the store is probably getting 40% on top of their normal markup. stupid consumers.

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?theyre really double checking with the pantry on what they can and cannot make in tandem with foodstuffs stored in the refrigerator. sometimes you will have ham and cheese in the fridge but no bread, defeating the purpose of getting out the ham, cheese, mayo, then finding no bread to use it on.

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? sometimes that string is too tangled in the carpet for your lousy dirt devil to pick up, so you pull it off, lay it neatly and parallel with the bristles of the vacuum, and get that focker on the next pass. unless you have a Dyson, then that string would have been obliterated by the suction on the first pass.

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?are some people really this retarded?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?they probably crawl through the attic and through the housing into the lighting globe. its not rocket science.

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"cause its called being considerate

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?lack of coordination owns you

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?human nature, if its cold, we long for warmer days, if its warm, we cant wait till winter. i for one, hate summer and cant wait for winter, during winter, i still focking hate summer.

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?cause usually father-in-laws kick ass, especially if they are veterans of a war and you set of a firecracker in the house and watch them duck for cover behind the couch and have flashbacks.

And my FAVORITE......
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.i think all 3 of mine are crazy and im the normal one, is that wrong?

fix.t
 
^ Ownage has been dealt.

Why is the third hand on a watch called the second hand?
 
Never heard of him. But the weird part is I actually like Jackie Chan movies.

He is in Ong Bak, and The Protector. Acting is not so good, but he is an amazing martial artist. He is his own stunt man, and he doesn't use wires or slings. Everything you see him do in his movies is actually him doing it. Its unreal.
 
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