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Trails of War: Internal Battle

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laserspeeddemon

20+ Year Contributor
6,717
61
Jul 26, 2002
Fredericksburg, Virginia
It's been a while since I wrote; pretty much because absolutely nothing has happened. Things almost happen, but I always get kicked from the spot. Not because I'm not ready mentally, but because the mission requires a person of a different expertise.

However, recently a requirement has come down for a volunteer. The time and objective of the mission is classified, so I can't divulge the details. But I can tell you they needed 3-6 persons. The convoy will take 4-5 hours and goes through a pretty rough part of Afghanistan. I was going to volunteer, but I’m not yet allowed. While I was still in Fort Lewis, doing our drills, my weapon constantly jammed. While I was qualifying, my weapon jammed twice. I shot 19 out of 40. I missed about 8-10 targets while I tried to fix the weapon. By the time I got the thing working, I got a few rounds off, and it jammed again. I few weeks later I had to go back. This time I shot 33 out of 40 with only one jam. Over the weeks it only got worse. By the time, we were doing our Entry Control Point training; the weapon would fire only one round, before it jammed. I talked to our armor; his excuse was that the blanks were causing the jams. I've fired weapons many times with blanks, never had this problem and this did not explain why it was jamming with live rounds. I decided to take it apart myself. Being that I've shot, disassembled, maintained and reassembled an M16A2 for 6 years, I am very familiar with the inner workings of this weapon. I took it apart about 3 times following a jam. The 3rd time, the firing pin was lying in the lower receiver of the weapon. That is very bad. I took it back to the armor. I found that the firing pin retaining cotter pin was bent. I told them to do a thorough shake down of the weapon. He took it to the base expert. The have special tools to break it down even further. They found a crack in the lower receiver, this caused the buffer spring to catch and the bolt would not come all the way back. A lot of pressure was being forced upon the bolt carrier and as such it bent the cotter pin. To sum it up, the weapon was f*cked.

They tell me this 3 days before we were supposed to leave for Afghanistan and then they took it away, so I went to war without a weapon. I walked around naked for 2 weeks, before my broke M16A2 was replaced with an M4. However the weapon was not zeroed to my point of aim. And without this, you can not leave the base, even for missions. Because of this I can not go outside the wire (unless by air transport).....yet.

I've been wanting to go. There's something in me that desires to answer the call of duty; something in me that wants to serve my country. This passion is equal to my obsession for speed.

A few days ago, I called my wife and told her that I wanted to volunteer for missions. Obviously she does not feel the same passion I do. Understandingly she wants me to stay where I am at; in an old Soviet Union arms room on the safest base in Afghanistan. The walls here are about 18 in thick of solid concrete and it's the furthest away from the fence. However, she has granted my permission. The beauty of my relationship is that we both focus on filling the others needs, not our own. In this capacity, we leave infinite room for compromise.

This passion to serve my country combined with my adhesion to faith makes me a deadly weapon. I know when I die, I will be in a place without pain or angry or sorrow. I don't fear pain, I don't fear death. Around my neck I wear a pendent with the words engraved:

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you, wherever you go

Joshua 1:9"


It is the basis for my courage. I am strong hearted and hard as concrete in mind. I burn to punish those who dared to conspire against America. I want to kill those who have taken the lives of my comrads. But I realize in some unorthodox way this desire is selfish. While I will gladly risk my life for my country, I have a responiblity to two young boy and women who pray and fear for me. If I leave this world on my vendetta, what will happen to those I love? How will my selfish act and selflessness change the path for the young boy that misses me so?

So I am caught between the emotions of servitude for my country and loyalty for my family.

This is the internal battle I must wrestle with.
 
Personally in Afghanistan i would rather have the m16 for the long range accuracy that is inherant in the extended barral, I dont think youll be doing to many room clearings or urban combat in the part of Afghanistan I think your talking about. I understand your thirst to do what you joined the Army for, im sure you will get your chance soon enough. Remember your training and be safe.
 
I'm an M2 gunner so thats all the long range I will need until they get within 300m. As for the room clearing/urban combat, the missions I go on will require it more then you might think.
 

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Don't make me sound so bad.:) You will be used, have great patience. Just like David he waited and waited and one day he had the chance to kill a giant. Be strong your day will come.

Let the strength of the lord be with you.
 
I know you can't get one let alone ammo for it, but I believe the M14 outshines the M16 except for weight.

The Lord keep you and bless you. You serve your country and its people well, Warrior.

Former Marine.
 
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