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Funny Working On Your DSM Stories

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1) My favorite funny memory is the first time blowing an intercooler coupler. Had just finished installing the Dejon Tool Upper Intercooler pipe and 2G MAF in a 1G pipe from Dejon as well, on my very first turbo DSM. Dad hopped in and we went for a drive, hit boost, and BOOM. Shotgun went off, car bogged. I knew immediately what had happened (because I used to read religiously and would read stories about it), but my dad had no clue. His face was almost white and he was like "what just happened did you blow the engine?!". I was dying laughter the whole time.


2) More embarrassing on my part(at the time, these days IDGAF because I'm an old man now :p) but the very first engine I ever replaced the bearings on, I did it upside down, and under the car...in a gravel/rock driveway as my dad stood over the top of the engine yelling at me every step I needed to take. Got it buttoned up, torqued down, took it for a drive. Seemed fine tbh, but after pulling in and going to take another lap around the apartment complex, it didn't make it 20 feet and it locked up the engine hard enough to make the wheels lock up. Turns out I put the #4 rod cap on backwards. Doh! Man, to be 16 again(and have that POS 1G back..I loved that car).
 
The lessons we learn.....ROFL
 
The lessons we learn.....ROFL


Indeed. Speaking of lessons learned...

The first time you give Narcan via IO or IV and slam the shit out of a couple doses instead of doing it nice and easy...learned that one tonight why you don't just slam it unless it's legit last resort/life and death.


It was like The Exorcist or Scary Movie's parody of the scene. There was 'vom' on the ceiling on the ambulance. LMFAO.
 
1) My favorite funny memory is the first time blowing an intercooler coupler. Had just finished installing the Dejon Tool Upper Intercooler pipe and 2G MAF in a 1G pipe from Dejon as well, on my very first turbo DSM. Dad hopped in and we went for a drive, hit boost, and BOOM. Shotgun went off, car bogged. I knew immediately what had happened (because I used to read religiously and would read stories about it), but my dad had no clue. His face was almost white and he was like "what just happened did you blow the engine?!". I was dying laughter the whole time.


2) More embarrassing on my part(at the time, these days IDGAF because I'm an old man now :p) but the very first engine I ever replaced the bearings on, I did it upside down, and under the car...in a gravel/rock driveway as my dad stood over the top of the engine yelling at me every step I needed to take. Got it buttoned up, torqued down, took it for a drive. Seemed fine tbh, but after pulling in and going to take another lap around the apartment complex, it didn't make it 20 feet and it locked up the engine hard enough to make the wheels lock up. Turns out I put the #4 rod cap on backwards. Doh! Man, to be 16 again(and have that POS 1G back..I loved that car).
😂 I was white too first time this happened. New build , raised boost.. and booom on the highway.
I thought that was it.. My friend said calm down, it's probably just a hose..
Car was too low to see anything, so the Audi had to pull me to my garage🙈.

My garage neighbours looked with big eyes when my machine finally rolled out, loud , impressive.. after an hour we came back on the rope, 😄 it was so funny we laughed all..
They said again a typical dsm ride..
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So i try real hard to not mess up and go over work a few times but this one time i was a bit annoyed and stressed out over something, so i was doing some bits in the bay and could not get the engine to fire up! But i swore it was all fine so i go over bits again and again. I get wound up even more now as everything checks out!

I then call the wife as im more stressed and she can try calm me down. I talk through it all as sometimes doing that makes you think differently ( not that she has any clue on this sort of stuff ) but it helps and support is nice! Anyway she chills me out after chatting and taking 5 to relax. After she said check everything and me moaning i have done i did it AGAIN while she was on the phone and then the HUH came!

Turns out i did not handle all clips and check they were seated! I had one that was resting on top to get it out the way and was loose upon checking by hand.

Clipped it in and it started!

So now i handle all clips as a precaution just incase they resting it in place but not connected!

Check those connectors as I do see this alot of one causing issues and not just on here either. Silly mistake but lesson learnt thats for sure haha
 
All of these story's bring a smile to my face (to know I am not the only one to do just about all of the same things) ROFL
 
And it lived in luscious Florida pastures of open land for all to see..........ROFL
 
I was doing my own brakes for the first time. My drive way is pretty long and on a slight incline from the garage in the back of the house and out to the street. Finished up and was time for a test drive with my wife following in her Prelude. Put the emergency brake down gave it some gas and let off the clutch.. Half way down the drive way, I was like.. okay lets test the brakes real quick while I wait til wife is out the garage and the door closes all the way...... wait.. no brakes! Im still moving forward and gaining speed... So I did what any one would do... I hit the brakes...as if I wasnt already doing that ... Wait... thats why im in this situation.. I dont have any brakes... because i forgot to pump up the pedal.. .So now Ive gained speed and im heading towards the street. 5 mph on an incline seems really fast when you dont have brakes... So as im coming down the driveway, a cop is coming down the street because my house is across the street from the police station. I catch his face in slow motion as he gave me what the f*** are you doing look as i turned the wheel to avoid him and went across the lawn and around the tree until I got the fine idea of pulling the ebrake. My wife will never let me live it down since the cop ask her if he was going to come down the street tomorrow and see her prelude driving around the tree.
 
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Taken from Part 5 of my life story over on Opposite-Lock. I was trying to sell my Talon, which I had disassembled.
Then I was contacted by a guy from Chicago. He wanted to know if he could drive it back to Illinois and at that point I was so sick of dealing with it that I told him that I’d spend the weekend with him putting it back together just to get it out of my life. I repeatedly stressed that he may not make it back to Chicago due to the transmission but at least I could guarantee to him that he’d be able to drive it out of the storage facility.
He opted to not stay in Indianapolis overnight and arrived on a Sunday. He brought a friend that owned a Cherokee but otherwise couldn’t contribute to the task of reassembly. As I was now intimately familiar with this engine bay, reassembly was quick. The turbo, intercooler front bumper, and ECU all went back in without issue. Before too long, the buyer started the Talon and backed it out of that room. The Talon rolled down the steep slope and up the other side of the drainage channel and tapped the door of the locker on the other side of the road. The pedal went straight to the floor, the buyer said.

I checked the front brakes and was immediately incredibly embarrassed. I had stolen the front calipers and brackets for the Spyder, which was now long gone. And I had scrapped the Spyder’s calipers. I knew that we wouldn’t be able to find a replacement set locally but we tried anyway. The closest that we were able to get was one singular caliper bracket but no calipers. I wanted him to be able to drive the Talon home as much as he did, so after clearing my plan with him, I went to a plumbing store and picked up some pieces. I used plugs to block off the ABS module’s output to the front wheels, giving the Talon a firm pedal and functioning rear brakes. It was time for a test drive. Again.

I told the buyer to take it around the storage facility while I stayed in the locker cleaning up my tools. As soon as he left my sight I heard the engine start to rev followed by a loud pop. I grabbed my 10mm deepwell socket and walked in the direction of the sound. The buyer was incredibly flustered but before he could even explain that it had popped right as the engine hit boost, I was already under the car fixing it. I had tasked the buyer’s useless friend with one singular job that entire day, and that task was to tighten the clamps on the charge pipe. And just like I had suspected, he had failed to do that one job. I reminded the buyer that he only had rear brakes but other than concern for stopping distances he could beat the shit out of that car as much as he wanted to prove that it would make it home. And he did. I was so embarrassed by the brake issue and the fact that I had forgotten to mention the cracked windshield in the ad that I dropped the price even further. He effectively paid for a running 4G63 and got an entire AWD DSM free. But he left and made it back to Chicago.

The seller continued to text me occasionally, asking about the history of certain parts or looking for transmission fluid recommendations. He said that as soon as he had gotten the car to Chicago the transmission started working again and he never had problems with the entire vehicle ever again. Just rub salt into that wound, why don’t you. I was happy for him, but that hurt.
I failed to mention that I had laid a tarp out on the floor of the unit before driving the Talon in, and I had the used oil sitting out in open containers that got kicked over as soon as we started work, so that whole day was punctuated by the three of us continually slipping on the oil slick and knocking over additional oil containers. Like a cartoon.

I have a GSX now but I still miss that Talon sometimes...
 
Here is a good one:

Got the auto trans rebuilt on my DSM, after a couple of days the car lost power, every time I would step on it, it would just take a nose dive and not go.... If I would drive like a grandma everything was fine but the moment I tried to punch it it would fall on its face, my original thought was that the transmission is already failing soon after the rebuild(BTW the mechanics thought the same). got the trans taken out yet again and inspected by the shop that rebuilt it(had to pay for the mechanic for labor once again) nothing..... Everything checked out fine so that put me back to square one. No mechanics could fix my issue, one mechanic was so sure it was the turbo going out so of course back then my noob ass bought a brand new Evo III 16g(Chinese knock off) after and the problem was still there 🤦‍♂️.

Long story short and $2,000 spent later; my frustrated a$$ decided to give my car one last look before saying goodbye to the junkyard and I noticed that the clamp from my upper intercooler that grabbed on to the hose was not there so I said whatever let me just throw an new clamp not that it matters now.... Lo and behold after that the car pulled so hard I almost $hit my pants 😂........

Anyways... I spent $2,000 on what could have be a $2-5 dollar fix. On the plus side I "upgraded" the turbo 🤣 AAAANNNNDDD took interest about actually learning about cars 🤷‍♀️
 
I'm going to revive this one. I have two stories. I'm not sure what order they happened in because this was probably 16 years ago when I had my first TSI (a panda)

Story one

Spent hours upon hours installing a wideband, boost gauge, EGT, and a few other things. Put a MBC in while we were at it. It was literally like 4am when we wrapped up the install and decided we had to take it for a ride. I rolled down the hill at idle so as not to wake the neighbors. Now I thought I had the MBC set to wastegate... We get to the main road, I tach it up, and launch and the car pulled like a freight train. I look down and see the boost gauge PAST 30 psi. I panicked and let off immediately and coasted to a pull off. Got out, thinking in my dazed state I must have set the MBC backwards. I pull back out, tach it up again, and it immediately pulls well past 30 psi again.

I babied the car back to the house and took the MBC out. My boost gauge never read right again, it always read several PSI high because I must have sprung it. I installed a cheapo one before I sold it so at least it would be accurate.

Story 2, was doing something to the panda, and couldn't find a tool or something. I'm searching all through the garage. There was a cabinet that I stored stuff in that I usually took my frustrations out on. It literally had knuckle marks all through it. Well, this day I closed it the lightest I had probably ever closed it. Suddenly everything went black and I hit the ground.

I came to quickly, and realized something hit me in the head. I was lying there trying to figure out WTF just happened. My cousin in the meantime is also on the ground, but he's laughing because all he saw was a flash, and me go down. At first he only thing I can find is a small package of butt connectors. I knew that wasn't near heavy enough to knock me down. I finally shake the cob webs out and see what hit me. A package of lawn mower blades had somehow fallen at just the right moment and whapped me right on top of the head.
 
I'm going to revive this one. I have two stories. I'm not sure what order they happened in because this was probably 16 years ago when I had my first TSI (a panda)

Story one

Spent hours upon hours installing a wideband, boost gauge, EGT, and a few other things. Put a MBC in while we were at it. It was literally like 4am when we wrapped up the install and decided we had to take it for a ride. I rolled down the hill at idle so as not to wake the neighbors. Now I thought I had the MBC set to wastegate... We get to the main road, I tach it up, and launch and the car pulled like a freight train. I look down and see the boost gauge PAST 30 psi. I panicked and let off immediately and coasted to a pull off. Got out, thinking in my dazed state I must have set the MBC backwards. I pull back out, tach it up again, and it immediately pulls well past 30 psi again.

I babied the car back to the house and took the MBC out. My boost gauge never read right again, it always read several PSI high because I must have sprung it. I installed a cheapo one before I sold it so at least it would be accurate.

Story 2, was doing something to the panda, and couldn't find a tool or something. I'm searching all through the garage. There was a cabinet that I stored stuff in that I usually took my frustrations out on. It literally had knuckle marks all through it. Well, this day I closed it the lightest I had probably ever closed it. Suddenly everything went black and I hit the ground.

I came to quickly, and realized something hit me in the head. I was lying there trying to figure out WTF just happened. My cousin in the meantime is also on the ground, but he's laughing because all he saw was a flash, and me go down. At first he only thing I can find is a small package of butt connectors. I knew that wasn't near heavy enough to knock me down. I finally shake the cob webs out and see what hit me. A package of lawn mower blades had somehow fallen at just the right moment and whapped me right on top of the head.

Getting hit in the head hard enough to make you lose consciousness is not a joke. You're lucky you didn't suffer some kind of concussion, cervical spine injury, or worse! That's crazy. You got lucky!
 
About 3 weeks ago, my wife was asking me about the 10mm joke that she had seen and didnt understand on instagram, so I explained to her that no matter what project you're working on, your 10mm will always disappear at some point and goes into a void, never to be found again.(Even tho Ive explained it a million times) I showed her the stockpile of 10mm sockets that I have as back ups.

Fast forward to this past Saturday, Ive been trying to solve my cooling issues as of late. So im trying to hurry up and finish my car because we had people coming over for a cook out and time was winding down for me to start cooking. Flushing the radiator, thermostat, new manifold heatshield, waiting on my new fan to get here, etc. So im in the garage with my headphones on and didnt notice that my wife and our friend walked in. Our friend sat my rolling detailing seat and was tying her shoe. I had been working on getting the last bolt for the radiator supports out because it was rusted in there. Penetrating fluid...loosen...tighten...loosen...tighten..loos.....***snap***. Frustrated now from not taking a break and things being hard for no reason, I picked up one of the random sockets sitting in the tray and threw it toward the ground (I usually never get to the point of throwing stuff, shouldve stopped an hour ago after i kicked over the bottle of coolant that I forgot to put a cap on :mad:. So i was already a powder keg just waiting for a reason to explode).

It ricocheted off the ground, off the storage cabinet and back at me, which I matrixed out of the way so it didnt hit me in the eye as everything moved in slow motion. As i turned around to see where it went, I saw my wife standing by the entrance, and tracked the socket heading towards our friend who was facing away from me sitting on the detail car still tying her shoe... The socket hit her in the back and i watched roll down straight into her ass crack for a hole in one. Tada! and for my next trick....my first instinct was to grab it, but then I was like... wait, no.. thats a bad idea.

Our friend stood up and squirmed around with her hands in her pants, trying to get it out as my wife starts laughing cause she saw everything that happened and how Im still standing their confused and surprised that people were standing there. She pulls it out and my wife looks at it and goes

"Oh... so is this the void that youre losing all your 10mm in"? and then goes on to explain the joke to our friend.

So our friend goes "Its not a void?!!! Plenty of people have seen down ther....." Then she turns red and stops talking out of embarrassment of what she was saying. We both turn and look at her like, "Bit%$, what the f*** are you talking about?" :oops: My wife is like... "okayyyyy... im going in the house., y'all need to figure that out, but Im out"
 
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About 3 weeks ago, my wife was asking me about the 10mm joke that she had seen and didnt understand on instagram, so I explained to her that no matter what project you're working on, your 10mm will always disappear at some point and goes into a void, never to be found again.(Even tho Ive explained it a million times) I showed her the stockpile of 10mm sockets that I have as back ups.

Fast forward to this past Saturday, Ive been trying to solve my cooling issues as of late. So im trying to hurry up and finish my car because we had people coming over for a cook out and time was winding down for me to start cooking. Flushing the radiator, thermostat, new manifold heatshield, waiting on my new fan to get here, etc. So im in the garage with my headphones on and didnt notice that my wife and our friend walked in. Our friend sat my rolling detailing seat and was tying her shoe. I had been working on getting the last bolt for the radiator supports out because it was rusted in there. Penetrating fluid...loosen...tighten...loosen...tighten..loos.....***snap***. Frustrated now from not taking a break and things being hard for no reason, I picked up one of the random sockets sitting in the tray and threw it toward the ground (I usually never get to the point of throwing stuff, shouldve stopped an hour ago after i kicked over the bottle of coolant that I forgot to put a cap on :mad:. So i was already a powder keg just waiting for a reason to explode).

It ricocheted off the ground, off the storage cabinet and back at me, which I matrixed out of the way so it didnt hit me in the eye as everything moved in slow motion. As i turned around to see where it went, I saw my wife standing by the entrance, and tracked the socket heading towards our friend who was facing away from me sitting on the detail car still tying her shoe... The socket hit her in the back and i watched roll down straight into her ass crack for a hole in one. Tada! and for my next trick....my first instinct was to grab it, but then I was like... wait, no.. thats a bad idea.

Our friend stood up and squirmed around with her hands in her pants, trying to get it out as my wife starts laughing cause she saw everything that happened and how Im still standing their confused and surprised that people were standing there. She pulls it out and my wife looks at it and goes

"Oh... so is this the void that youre losing all your 10mm in"? and then goes on to explain the joke to our friend.

So our friend goes "Its not a void?!!! Plenty of people have seen down ther....." Then she turns red and stops talking out of embarrassment of what she was saying. We both turn and look at her like, "Bit%$, what the f*** are you talking about?" :oops: My wife is like... "okayyyyy... im going in the house., y'all need to figure that out, but Im out"
🤣man thats the best one on here yet!
 
I was helping a fellow dsm owner out, he had a few things wrong with his "90 awd Talon, and before my help he had two previous guys, that were both allegedly "ASE certified mechanics" and they were also DSM owners, trying to figure out why it wouldn't start, the only clues I got from them was no fuel or spark.

As it turns out first problem was they had the classic mix-up of the CAS plug connected to the TPS connector, and vice versa 😆, for those that do not own or know, on the "90 4g63 equipped 1g dsms they used the same 4 pin connectors for the Throttle position sensor and the Cam angle sensor, one dead giveaway for people inspecting for this sort of mix-up is the wire colors should match on both sides of the 4 pin connectors.

The second issue discovered after the owner tried starting it was there was no Fuel getting to the engine even after setting the wire connectors mentioned above correctly, so logically tested the fuel pump found it was not getting + power to the tank, eventually we found a sketchy looking kill switch under seat turned it on, now fuel pump got power, and was humming in the tank, but the car still would not start cranked okay.

The third problem, no fuel was getting to the rail he had a gauge setup it read zero, while I was inspecting the tank for noise by the trunk I thought it sounded odd, so I lightly tapped the fuel tank under the car with my palm it sounded vary hollow, I Then mentioned to the owner to add some fuel maybe it was empty, so he pours about a gallon and a half of gas into the fuel filler, and by the way this car had been sitting for a long time due to the TPS and CAS wire connector mix-up, and that ties back into the story, as the owner was filling the Fuel into the tank, I noticed something, and said Hey something smells like gas, The owner responded with. yeah because I am filling the tank here, of course it will smell like...we hear sound of fluid spilling on the ground, and we both looked at the floor at the same time and see fuel pouring out from under the car onto the ground 😆, turns out the fuel was leaking onto the driveway as the owner was pouring it into the filler, so due to age and possibly just sitting for so long, the rubber 90* elbow filler neck hose was deteriorated and cracked and leaking fuel out as the car sat.

The end result was the car started after that 90* fuel filler hose was replaced with a new aftermarket Gates one, definitely won't forget this gremlin hunt 😂.
 
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About 3 weeks ago, my wife was asking me about the 10mm joke that she had seen and didnt understand on instagram, so I explained to her that no matter what project you're working on, your 10mm will always disappear at some point and goes into a void, never to be found again.(Even tho Ive explained it a million times) I showed her the stockpile of 10mm sockets that I have as back ups.

Fast forward to this past Saturday, Ive been trying to solve my cooling issues as of late. So im trying to hurry up and finish my car because we had people coming over for a cook out and time was winding down for me to start cooking. Flushing the radiator, thermostat, new manifold heatshield, waiting on my new fan to get here, etc. So im in the garage with my headphones on and didnt notice that my wife and our friend walked in. Our friend sat my rolling detailing seat and was tying her shoe. I had been working on getting the last bolt for the radiator supports out because it was rusted in there. Penetrating fluid...loosen...tighten...loosen...tighten..loos.....***snap***. Frustrated now from not taking a break and things being hard for no reason, I picked up one of the random sockets sitting in the tray and threw it toward the ground (I usually never get to the point of throwing stuff, shouldve stopped an hour ago after i kicked over the bottle of coolant that I forgot to put a cap on :mad:. So i was already a powder keg just waiting for a reason to explode).

It ricocheted off the ground, off the storage cabinet and back at me, which I matrixed out of the way so it didnt hit me in the eye as everything moved in slow motion. As i turned around to see where it went, I saw my wife standing by the entrance, and tracked the socket heading towards our friend who was facing away from me sitting on the detail car still tying her shoe... The socket hit her in the back and i watched roll down straight into her ass crack for a hole in one. Tada! and for my next trick....my first instinct was to grab it, but then I was like... wait, no.. thats a bad idea.

Our friend stood up and squirmed around with her hands in her pants, trying to get it out as my wife starts laughing cause she saw everything that happened and how Im still standing their confused and surprised that people were standing there. She pulls it out and my wife looks at it and goes

"Oh... so is this the void that youre losing all your 10mm in"? and then goes on to explain the joke to our friend.

So our friend goes "Its not a void?!!! Plenty of people have seen down ther....." Then she turns red and stops talking out of embarrassment of what she was saying. We both turn and look at her like, "Bit%$, what the f*** are you talking about?" :oops: My wife is like... "okayyyyy... im going in the house., y'all need to figure that out, but Im out"
Would you check that "void" for MY 10mm sockets please???? Your wife sounds like a fun person and your wifes friend talks alot..............ROFL
 
Getting hit in the head hard enough to make you lose consciousness is not a joke. You're lucky you didn't suffer some kind of concussion, cervical spine injury, or worse! That's crazy. You got lucky!
It wasn't full out cold loss of consciousness, (I've had that before) but it definitely rung my bell. I've had numerous concussions over my life. This was just another possible one. LOL
 
It wasn't full out cold loss of consciousness, (I've had that before) but it definitely rung my bell. I've had numerous concussions over my life. This was just another possible one. LOL

Please be careful brother. Lol. Once you get a concussion you’re significantly more at risk to have more, and even strokes and stuff. Take care of yourself.
 
I was eliminating my balance shafts for the first time ever maybe 15 years ago. I could not get the shaft to pull out of the oil pump so I took the oil pump over to the vice and got a pair of vice grips to get it to pop. Well I pulled pretty hard, and finally popped loose, and it came back and smacked me in the face. I split my nose wide open and had to go the hospital to have it stitched back together. The worst part was this happened on Sat and my work was sending my to a professional training in Rochester NY for 2 weeks on Monday with people from all over the country I'd never met. So I got to be the moron with the face sporting the swollen and stitched nose! Luckily I never had to see those people again after the training, I still have my BSEK scar though! :p
 
Please be careful brother. Lol. Once you get a concussion you’re significantly more at risk to have more, and even strokes and stuff. Take care of yourself.
Oh trust me, I've had my fair share of concussions. First was in 5th grade when I got sucker punched right above the eye. Worst ever was when I was in 6th grade. We had swings with really long chains. We would have competitions to see who could launch the furthest. Well I was determined to win this one day and when I went to jump my belt loop got hooked on the swing and I got shitwhipped face first into the ground.

Got knocked out boxing a few times too. The one was actually a double knockout. My cousin and I were boxing, we both threw right hooks at the same time, we both landed them square, and we both went staight to the ground. The other boxing incident was playing around with a friend with the oversized "toy" boxing gloves. The padding shifted on my buddy's glove and he caught me, basically bare fisted, to the temple. He caught me before I hit the ground, because he knew he caught me with the punch, because his hand was sore as hell. LOL

I had stitches in the top of my head on two occassions too. Not sure if either of those injuries resulted in concussions. If so my first was actuallly when I was in 2nd grade,
 
I couldn't get fuel pressure.....no matter how many times I checked the fuel filter or rebuilt the regulator.

Turns out, you need SOME gas in the tank for the fuel system to pressurize. I have a wonky fuel sender circuit.... it was reading 1/4 tank while literally bone dry (classic DSM situation). :banghead:
 
I couldn't get fuel pressure.....no matter how many times I checked the fuel filter or rebuilt the regulator.

Turns out, you need SOME gas in the tank for the fuel system to pressurize. I have a wonky fuel sender circuit.... it was reading 1/4 tank while literally bone dry (classic DSM situation). :banghead:
Reminds me of trying to diagnose a fuel issue on my Stealth back in the day. I ran a hot wire to the pump to test it and it worked. I set up to try to fire it that way and it didn't work. I'm talking 3 minutes passed. I kept trying, and kept trying and it wouldn't kick on.

Turned out, I was trying to power the harness end, rather than the fuel pump end.
 
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