First Grade

[Davidle]

:laugh:

A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students.

The teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is I think I should be in the third-grade too!"

The teacher had enough. She took Harry to the principal's
office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. The teacher agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to
him and he agreed to take the test.
>
> Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
> Harry: "9"
>
> Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
> Harry: "36"

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grader should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her,"I think Harry can go to the third-grade."

The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Harry both agree.

Teacher: "What does a cow have four of that I have only two
of?
Harry: "Legs"

Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not
have?"
The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!)
Harry: "Pockets"

Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"

Teacher: "What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy,oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?" (The principal's
eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...)
Harry: "Coconut"

Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
Harry: "Bubblegum"

Teacher: "What do men do standing up, woman do sitting down and dogs do on three legs?" (The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...)
Harry: "Shake hands"

Teacher: "Now I will ask some 'Who am I' sort of questions, okay?"
Harry: "Yup"

Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do."
Harry: "Tent"

Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first." (Principal was looking
restless and bit tense)
Harry: "Wedding Ring"

Teacher: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good."
Harry: "Nose"

Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver."
Harry: "Arrow"

Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?"
Harry: "Fire truck"

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put his ass in the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong"

 

[Davidle]

here's another :laugh:

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could
move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is it?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button.

The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son "Go get your mother."

 

[phastalon]

, good stuff. i need to go back to 1st grade.

 

[blaster1812]

LMFAO :laugh: :laugh:

 

[L2RTSiAWD]

Lmao at both jokes :laugh: :laugh:

 

[gsx rated98]

Lmao!

 

[Ghost1984]

:laugh: :laugh:

 

[Davidle]

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office,

trailed by 15 kids...


"WOW," the social worker exclaims, "Are they ALL YOURS???"


"Yes'am they be all mine," the flustered momma sighs,

having heard that question a thousand times before.


She says, "Sit down Leroy." All the children rush to find seats.


"Well," says the social worker, "then you must be here to sign up.


I'll need all your children's names." "This one's my oldest--he be Leroy."

"OK, and who's next?"

"Well, this one he be Leroy, too."


The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues.

One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy.

Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy

"All right...," says the caseworker, "I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Leroy?"


Their Momma replied, "Well, yes--it make it easier.


When it is time to get them out of the bed and ready for school, I yells, 'Leroy!'


An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an' they

all comes a runnin.' An 'if I need to stop the kid who's running into

the street, I just yell 'Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest

idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy."


The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then

wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you

just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?"

"Ah, that's so easy," said the momma. "Then I

calls them by their last names"








. :laugh: :laugh: What a slut!

 

[blaster1812]

:laugh: :laugh: