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Excuses for not going into work, lets hear em!

ChrisTheBuilder

Proven Member
75
0
Jan 8, 2012
Wichita Falls, Texas
I figured i would see if anybody has any good excuses why they didnt go into work. Ones you have heard, said, or just think would be funny to say/hear.

My dog fell asleep on the alarm clock.

I accidentally washed my clothes with razor blades and now they are in shreds.
 

PieEyedPiper

DSM Wiseman
5,580
43
Nov 13, 2004
North Bay Area, California
"Hi, who's managing today? Karen? Ok, go put Karen on.

Oh hey Karen, I'm just calling to let you know that I have anal glaucoma and I just can't see my ass coming in today. You have a good one though."

I actually got to use that, too.
 

salvageddsm

Probationary Member
13
0
Jan 29, 2006
loveland, Colorado
i have actually had a coworker call in blind ! i still laugh to this day about it ROFL
 

my dreamt dsm

Proven Member
3,304
10
Jan 29, 2007
Somewhere In, California
If you have kids it's easier to make excuses such as going to hospitals and stuff. But that's on a desperate level for me.
 

Ak_DSMER

Probationary Member
66
0
Feb 18, 2009
Anchorage, Alaska
A coworker of mine called in to my supervisor at 7:30am when we open at 8:00am and says he cant come in because he has to go to his nieces birthday party at chucke cheese at 9:00am i'm not even sure if they're open that early on a week day we gave him shit for months about it.
 

Straycat

Probationary Member
106
0
Dec 1, 2010
lawrenceville, Georgia
" I'm not going to be able to make it in today. I woke up this morning and my dog had died during the night. ( dog barking in the background).... I can't let him sit there and decompose, and he's a really big dog.... So I'm going to be digging a big hole"

Work replies: " why don't you just put him in the freezer until you get off work?"

Me: " really? First off who the f&@k does that? And secondly, what part about "big f&@kin dog" did you have a problem understanding? You have offended me greatly!" ( not really but it drove the point home)
 

TazManianDevil

Proven Member
239
0
Jul 8, 2003
Lakewood, Washington
I wont make it to work cause I'm on the way picking my (family member who's really old) who missed his airport and ended up in farther airport, in my case instead of SEA-TAC (Washington State) he end up in PDX (Portland Oregon) This actually really happened :D But I'm not the one that picked him up and I just stayed home

I have a bad case of explosive diarrhea! :cry:

this is the shit right hereLOL
 

XiKeiyaZI

Proven Member
6,969
42
Dec 28, 2008
Dyersburg, Tennessee
I think my worst one, which I've seriously used, was "I have two flat tires and won't be changing them until the workday is over."
 

Anubis_4_99

Proven Member
957
2
Feb 26, 2005
omaha, Nebraska
I've actually only called in twice over the last two and a half years, each time for legitimate reasons, one which was my furnace blew up in my face while i was trying to light it, so i spent half the night in the E.R. and looked like a mummy for the next week.

The other i had a horrible ear infection that was literally days away from needing surgery, my ear had swollen shut, so i spent the night in the E.R. for that as well.

But one of my best ones was having the wife call in for me and saying i'd been falsely arrested the night before and wouldn't be out until late that day, LOL.
 

Trav83

Proven Member
1,938
0
Mar 10, 2009
Binghamton, New_York
"My DSM broke down"

At least it's believable ;)
 

98GSXin

Proven Member
932
0
Jun 2, 2010
Santa Clara, California
Back when I was a punk kid with punk friends, I had a friend that called in sick while working at Toys-R-Us with a violent case of the hiccups. He sold it for 10 minutes straight with frequent fake hiccups and not so much as a remote giggle. Then after realizing how ridiculous his job and management were, he made it his mission to get fired from that place. Then on the following day, he called in because because his leg fell asleep and he couldn't drive in to work. He remarkably still had a job after that one. The third day he called in saying that he had a bad case of the "Mondays", when it was, in fact, Thursday. His boss told him that his joking around was not up to the employment standards at Toys-R-Us. He succeeded in getting fired that day.
 

EDM95

Proven Member
8,749
3
Mar 25, 2007
amarillo, Texas
That's funny stuff.^ years back i call into work sick my boss was a jack a$$ he said if i don't come to work i will be fired, so i go to work very sick maybe a hour later he tells me i don't look sick but i was very sick and as he is running his mouth I'm trying to go to the bathroom but this idiot is in my way so guess what happens. He did not move trying to act like a jack a$$ so i got sick all over his shoes. He said get the fk out of his sight that i was fired. But in the end i won because it they had to pay me unemployment.
 

TSIturbo91

Proven Member
452
0
Dec 19, 2009
Oswegatchie, New_York
Trav83 said:
"My DSM broke down"

At least it's believable ;)

Like that one... I got a few

Sorry i cant make it in today, my car was stolen and its a crime scene now.

I was pulled over and the state trooper thought I was suspicious and called Border Patrol for a full vehicle inspection and tear down. I'm almost done putting my carpet back in.

My girlfriend didn't notice the cat in the dryer and I'm still trying to get the smell out of the house.

Just a few good ones. My old boss kinda looked forward to my call ins. And the police one actually happened. But they left the carpet in.
 

elterror

Proven Member
115
0
Feb 13, 2011
FORT WORTH, Texas
Like that one... I got a few

Sorry i cant make it in today, my car was stolen and its a crime scene now.

I was pulled over and the state trooper thought I was suspicious and called Border Patrol for a full vehicle inspection and tear down. I'm almost done putting my carpet back in.

My girlfriend didn't notice the cat in the dryer and I'm still trying to get the smell out of the house.

Just a few good ones. My old boss kinda looked forward to my call ins. And the police one actually happened. But they left the carpet in.

LOL nice
 
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