Okay so i know a lot of guys have gone through this. I am only posting to vent, get support, and advice.

So about 8 months ago, I found out i may have a son. I kept trying to take a DNA test with no prevail. Finally I got his mother to agree to take one. The only reason i could figure she didn't want to take one was, I was the only possible father (3 including me) was that i was the only one willing to help, and took care of him.

The results came back that i was the father, and when I told the mother that I did not want to be a couple, she decided to with hold my child from me. I have only known that i was the father for 2 months. She then began to use him as a bribe against me (for cigarettes, money, clothes, etc. She even asked for drugs for her mother and a car!) She smoked while pregnant, and in result gave him asthma. Supposedly it has since cleared up.

She lives at home, with her mother her just got out of jail for selling to an under cover, her father is a raging alcoholic and pot head who is always a jerk to me for no reason at all, and curses around my son who is 1yr. and 2 months old. When I ask him politely not to do so, he replies with, "He is my grandson, I will do what ever the **** I want". I tell him that he will only pick up on it and will in turn cause his daughter and I to get in trouble, he then replies again with "I will teach him when, and when not to use curse words. My reply is, "he is 1, he will not understand when and when not to use it". Keep in mind she use to stalk me ex. she would sit outside of my house til I came home, ask my roommates to let her in while i was asleep, and I would awake to her in my house or cuddling me.

This all happened because a friend thought it would be funny to call her over when I was blacked out drunk, she told me since I was in such a state, she thought she would take advantage of it. She continues to smoke around my son, while being pregnant yet again. She is trying to make my son believe that her boyfriend is the father, and trying to teach him to call him daddy.

I have multiple photos of child neglect ex. (dirt build up behind his ears, and unclean in the inside, Curdled milk in his bottles, smoking while holding him in just a diaper in the cold, rashes, which he has every time I see him, filthy, unwashed clothes etc.)Instead of comforting him when he cries, she pumps him up on medicine. She slanders my name, calling me ### etc. on her FB which I was told was illegal in the state of Wa. He never smells clean (stale cigarettes and filth) his skin is rough not baby smooth) I have multiple call logs and text with no replies.

I have filed a parenting plan for full custody, and attached I wrote a letter, stating that I have no intentions of doing so out of spite, anger, revenge, etc. Therefor I have no issues renegotiating a parenting plan, after she attends parenting classes and shows improvement. I am currently employed at Boeing, as an assembly mechanic for the 777.

She is on state aid and chooses not to work, and collects, welfare, WIC, and TANF, Which she sells to buy herself cigarettes and other things for herself, therefor I pay $400 for cs, $600 a month for a lawyer, $200 an hr. for a gal, and since she withholds his information from me to put him on my free amazing full benefits from work (which I see as neglect) I pay another $100 for state benefits. I am not on his birth certificate, and he does not have my last name, which she will not let me change. There is a lot more to this that I could add, but it would go on for forever.

I also have statements from friends of mine, and ones that were friends of hers. I miss my son, and Love him just as much. I would love input or advice on the Wa. state law, or just a simple, keep your head up, and don't give up. I have a place and the money to support my son, I just hope the State sees the same! Thank you for all the support in advance!

On the plus side, He shows a huge interest in cars! He also cant stand to not be in the same room as me, and cries when I leave, I can not say the same for his mother. I suppose that's what happens when you never hold him from day one, and instead of holding him and feeding him, you lay him down and prob a bottle in his mouth, instead of teaching him to hold it.
I love you Tod, and I hope to have and hold you soon!




His Eyes! He was diagnosed with megalocornea, Which I was told can pass 100 generations on the fathers side.

Sad situation man. People like her should not be allowed to be parents. Hang in there and fight for what is best for that poor child and his well being. It will all be worth it in the end.

This is some very tough stuff man. I have the utmost respect for you trying to do the right thing, just keep your head up, you will pull through!

Spacebar and indenting does wonders man.. Anyways. Good luck.

Take her to court.... that's bull crap for a child to be put through this. Sounds like she needs to be sterilized, as well. That sounds harsh, but from the descriptions she should not be allowed to have kids.

Keep all of your proof of her being negligent; that will defiantly help in your favor. She will fight you on it since right now she gets money for the kid. Unfortunately, I've seen too many people out there that use kids as a source of income; whether it be from the state or child support.

Wish you the best of luck... that's such a disheartening situation.

Thats awful man! I wish I had some info to give you to help you out. She is a very poor excuse of a woman, how old is she by the way? Goodluck man, I wish you the best.

It sounds as though you and I have a lot in common. I just found out that my ex wife had a daughter almost two years ago and gave it my name and goes around saying it is mine. However she denies to take a DNA test. She is on drugs and lives with her parents. Out of her whole family the only person that has a job is her mom and she works at Wal-Mart making 7.50 an hour I'm in the army full benefits and can provide for my daughter( if she truly is mine) better than her and her whole bloodline can. As of right now she refuses to talk to me but i have several voice-mails saved to my computer of her threatening me and everything else for divorcing her. We had been separated from May 2010 to December 2010 had sex twice and I kicked her out again. Well I finally filed for divorce, there was 1 other guy that she was messing around with from February 2010 (ya she cheated) all up until December when I kicked her out YET AGAIN because she was still fooling around with him. The doctor told me her conception date and it was 4 weeks before me and her got back together in December so that alone makes me think the child may not be mine. Doctors have been wrong before. And to top it all off here I am in Iraq not being able to do ANYTHING about it and not even able to see pictures of the little girl. She is living off welfare and food stamps lying to the government about her address and her moms income. they have 4 families a total of 14 people living in the same 4 bedroom TRAILER in the woods and all 4 families are collecting welfare, food stamps, temporary assistance for needy families etc.. Just when ever you get to feeling down man just think to your self there has gotta be someone out there going through something similar to what you are going through but what makes you the man that you are is how you handle yourself in those difficult times and how you overcome the adversities that life throws at you. If you ever want to talk about it man just hit me up I know exactly how you feel and I'm going through the same stuff you are. At least we may be able to vent to each other!!

ppl like her and her family make me uneasy to say the least. you definatly need to find a lawyer and get that child out of that situation and get him into a stable environment, FIND A LAWYER fast!

Child custody is sooo much different than what it used to be (granted it differs from state to state) I have shared custody of my daughter I see her 3 day's and 3 nights out of the week(my choice to not press for an extra day). Any major decision have to be made by the mother and I or else I can nullify them with with my court order. I know it feels like she has the upper hand because she has the child in her possession but believe me you will have you time just try not to go in and focus on the bad things the mother does honestly judges hate that. They hear the same story everyday "she did this" "he did that" you are there for the child not to argue and make the mother look bad so remove anything negative out of your presentation because it will not help you. Explain to the judge that you are there for your child so that you can be a part of your child's life. You are the biological father so regardless of what people might try and tell you or say you are entitled to 50 percent of your child's upbringing. present your case as why you will be a great father. I even had social services come to my house and inspect it so i could bring the paperwork in with me to the hearing. Stand tall and be confident you obviously have your head on right because you want to be part of the child's life so don't give up and get your life straight so that you wont give her anything to use against you.

God bless that little child in whatever the outcome is.

95talongirl said:

Take her to court.... that's bull crap for a child to be put through this. Sounds like she needs to be sterilized, as well. That sounds harsh, but from the descriptions she should not be allowed to have kids.

Keep all of your proof of her being negligent; that will defiantly help in your favor. She will fight you on it since right now she gets money for the kid. Unfortunately, I've seen too many people out there that use kids as a source of income; whether it be from the state or child support.

Wish you the best of luck... that's such a disheartening situation.

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This.

Man, just when I thought I had a crazy ex!! Haha all mine did was snap a t-belt on the dsm, and take everything but 1/2 of my clothes, and leave me with nothing 1 month before getting released from jail after 1 year.

Yes, my story sucks. But yours, is tragic I'm sorry some people have to be like that. Guy's and girl's both. This world is absolutely horrible when you take a step back and look at the simple differences between the last few generations regarding "adultry" or "living independent" or "love". The way older generations were was nice. Yes people still cheated and did dumb shirt back then, but it has become far more common.

I hope everything works out for you and the little one. Maybe the mom too if she can get her head out of her a$$ long enough to see the better light.

I personally have taken care of 2 kids under the age of 1 (at seperate times) just because the mom's were gakin out and didn't want their kids in the way. One of them finally went to rehab and it's been a year and a half, she now has the little one back and clean and loving every moment treating her son the way she should of from day 1. The other mom finally manned up just before her fiance got out of jail and knew he was going to throw a royal fury at her for not taking care of their baby. So a few months before he was released she changed het attitude and a few years later they are together as a family and happy as ever knowing they had a rough time but were able to come out on top.

Hope this gives you some inspiration, I love kids and hate to see them mistreated! I don't want any of my own yet but hey...At least now I know I can handle that day when it comes. And regardless what anyone says...YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING HERE!! Good job, and lots of respect your way for that!

Hang in there man. Keep your head and wits up and i am sure things will turn around for the best. Always be sure to have a good lawyer at your side when trying for custody of a child.

Good luck with everything.

she doesnt want to go to court because she will lose her state aid. go to court and file and the court will force her to appear. at least thats how ny was when i went through this

Ive got a lawyer, I am trying to take her to court, and the last hearing was to make me not have to pay back child support from over a year ago, since i just found out he was mine, and the granted me that. Then she proceeded to tell the judge that I have been stalking her at 2am, and that her dad has to come out and tell me to leave. To bad I work til 12:30am and carpool home which is 30 minutes away, so i doubt they would stalk her with me. So she hung herself by lying to the judge. I have all my work logs printed out with dates and times, and my carpool pass to proove i carpool! Thats when she posted on fb "Ha I just love winning in court! So take that parenting plan and shove it up your @$$ ###!" (slander)

A former member here is a huge activist for the rights of the father. I know he worked with someone at his job who was having a child with a pretty scummy woman and he was afraid to go to court against her saying it was no use. My friend helped him find a lawyer and resources on father's rights and even though it took some time, the person he worked with has lost custody. So, it isn't out of your hands. FATHERS HAVE RIGHTS TOO. Say that over and over again until you fully believe it, until it is fully indoctrinated into your very fiber. Yes the courts like to side with the mother, but that's ridiculous and that is why you have to fight, not only for the benefit of your son (who needs you more than ever), but to force the courts to view fathers as an equal, and when the time calls for it, the greater. So yes, you are doing the right thing and yes everyone here should be prodding you on. If they aren't, they probably aren't man enough to be a father. I am not a father myself, but watching this friend and his son, makes me want to be a father and I realize that it is the toughest and most important job any man can take.

Just remember the saying "anyone can be a father, but only a man can be a daddy." Well the same holds true for your piece of crap ex, "anyone can be a mother, but only a real woman can be a mommy."

Look you need your mud stomping boots on. You need a game plan, which it seems like you have the beginnings of. You should petition the court to have her take drug tests at the very least. You should fight for all out custody, even termination of her parental rights, because a child is endanger, document everything you have spoken about in your post, dates, times, pictures, videos, every little thing that you can. You can petition the court to have the last name changed, talk to your lawyer about how, but I know it can be done. You can also have yourself added to that birth certificate.

Fight, fight harder than you ever had, something invaluable is on the line this time. Your son has the chance to experience a healthy home life and not this toxic environment this piece of crap girl is giving him. Whatever you do though, no matter how much you want to, don't do anything stupid, I know you want to punch her father out, even if you don't say it, just never let yourself get to that point. You will lose if you do.

Child Support, Child Visitation, Child Custody Family Law - Legal Help

National Family Solutions - Fathers Rights - Child Custody and Visitation

We are FATHERS 4 JUSTICE USA... We are Dads, Moms, Grandparents and Children... We are everywhere and we are organizing... JOIN US! It's time for a change!!!

NFRC - Fathers for Equal Rights - New Membership Levels

Fathers Rights - List of Fathers Rights Organizations

Fathers' rights movement - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

There are some resources on the movement. It's bigger than you think. It's also for real men, like yourself, to get the help they need to win.

*Update.
I have still been trying to gain custody. At this point I have not seen my son since December of last year. My sons mother, who was living with her mother, father, and sister, have been evicted due to her mother violating her section 8 housing terms of agreement. She got in trouble with the law... AGAIN! Not surprising at all.

I have been using a fake Facebook account to view her profile. This allows me to get information that I would not be able to otherwise. Unbelievably, while in the middle of a custody battle. She posts things like smoking weed, and drinking, while she is not 21.

She is believed to be somewhere in Eastern Washington. I dont have a whole lot to update you guys on, but I do have a court date at 9am on the 21st! Since she was evicted, she may not have received the court notice! I pray that she hasn't! This would put the judge more in my favor.

I have tried to call CPS, but they said in the state of Washington, they will not investigate if there is an ongoing custody battle. When my lawyer talked to the guys fixing up the house, and the neighbors. They said the house had to be completely stripped! The carpet had so much feces and other crap in the carpet that the carpet was a very dark brown and should have been beige. The walls were a very nasty shade of yellow from a very very thick coating of nicotine. They had a 8x30" dumpster that took 4 loads to empty the house.

That is all I have for now. Wish me luck!

you can file for full custody and you will get it you are obviously the more fit parent and the court will see that you have a good job with full benefits she has the state and you giving her money and what not in my opinion from how your describing her shes should never have a kid for at least a few years till she matures and something should b done with the kid in her now to but goodluck keep your head up and i have no dout you will get custody fully

I hope things work out for you man

Too bad you dont live in texas, here you can take the child as long as neither of you have been to court for custody. I have my daughter at now because her mom cannot provide a stable home and not necesarily neglects her but just doesnt pay any attention to her.

I hope you get your baby boy!!! Good luck.

Little boys definitely need their daddy. They need to be taught certain aspects of life that mommy just can't do. Most courts do like to side with mom, just for the simple fact that, even at birth, the child is more "attached" to mom. BUT, I absolutely draw the line of girls, GIRLS not women, having children. They view it as some kind of way to be "cool" I guess. "Look at me I'm getting all this money for one kid, let me pop out 4 more, and while I'm at it, I'm going to use this money for my smokes, this money for my beer, and THIS money for my weed... and I'll use this little bit for Charlie." I HATE these kinds of people, and kudos to you for trying to make a difference in your sons life. He needs you, he doesn't know it, but he needs you. From what you've explained so far, it's obvious he takes to you more than his "mom" which is great. Getting little boys away from their mother can be tough, but you need to do this. My son personally, when we're home, is never more than 3 ft. away from me. I can't go to the potty by myself anymore , but I love the time we have together. Children are something special, and it's a shame your 'ex' or whatever she is can't straighten up and see that it would be far better to have you in the child's life, instead of her current garbage situation. I hope you get your baby boy back. I am so proud of guys who go after their kids with a vengeance, to make a positive change in their life. Your son is beautiful, with those big blue eyes. My baby has those same blue eyes, and I hope you get the chance to look into those eyes everyday soon. Goodluck

Thanks KT! It really means a lot! I can tell the true feelings behind what you said! If you guys want, we should do a Little DSM'ers thread! We have a DSM'er thread that is to show off us, so why not one to show off our little DSM'ers with pictures!

Sounds like a pretty crappy situation, bud. Stay strong and fight on through. Be smart.

DSM_love_GST said:

If you guys want, we should do a Little DSM'ers thread! We have a DSM'er thread that is to show off us, so why not one to show off our little DSM'ers with pictures!

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Agreed, my son tells my wife "her car is slow" and "daddy drives a race car!".

Sucks to hear what you are going through, there is a lot of worthless people out there, and I am glad to hear you are fighting. From how it sounds, she doesn't have a leg to stand on. I personally couldn't imagine going through something like this.

Just some advice, which I am sure you have been told already, don't retaliate in any way, or do anything against her no matter how much you may want to. Something like that will only hurt your case. Best of luck, hope it all goes in your favor.