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Dumbest things you've heard a DSMer say? :)

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Talking with abuddy one day about the new engine I had installed. A young kid wanders over right as we are talking about how high I'm revving it.

Friend: So how high are you taking it?
Me: About 9,000, limiter is set at 9,500 RPM
Kid: Careful! Letting off at that high RPM the vacuum will pull your exhaust valve out the port.
Me: Your an idiot, please leave.

Another time:

Out tuning a buddys Galant VR-4, pulled into a gas station to adjust a few things and grab some drinks. A middle aged guy walks out and starts toward a late 90's Camaro, stops and listens to the Galant, then pauses and comes over to the car. He stops and says "don't drive that car any further, you have a huge air leak, (refering to the lope from the 272's) we both look at him and say the car is fine just boost leak tested it tonight to 35 PSI, no leaks its the cams. He insists for like 5 more minutes that there is a problem with the car, finally we leave, by this time my buddy and I are REALLY annoyed by this guy so we take off. He gets in behind us and attempts a ricer flyby. My buddy let him get side by side and then down shifted to 3rd, pulled away like the F-body was standing still. He tried that game 3 more times and then slinked off into the night.

I could go on for hours.

Here is another good one.

I get a call late (1 am) from the local rice king,

Rice King: "I need a tune, right now, got a money race and the car isn't running right."
Me: make a quick pull, tell me whats its doing (tuned the car previously, nothing had changed)
Rice King: "It just stutters and won't go into boost, only builds 10 lbs.
Me: You most likely have a boost leak, check all the clamps/couplers
Rice King: No man it needs a tune, I'll pay you $50 to fix the tune right now.
Me: OK, bring it over, I'll be ready

Fast forward 20 minutes, I'm in the garage ready with a can of carb cleaner.

Rice king: pulls in all fast hops out, gives me a $50, says lets go
me: hold up a second, I want to check some stuff
Rice king: it just needs a tune man
Me: we'll see, I checked his logs, everything was the same as I had set it up. I start spraying carb cleaner on all the couplers, find 4 leaks in like 20 seconds. I tighten all the clamps up and quickly boost leak check the car, good to go.
Rice king: Are we going tuning?
Me: No, I fixed the car, told you it had a boost leak.
Rice King: Do I get my money back?
Me: No, I fixed it, its 1 am. I'm going to bed.
Rice King: You ripped me off!
Me: You called and said you needed the car fixed, I told you how to do it, you refused and offered to pay me to "tune it" I fixed it, sorry.. tuned it. Good night.

Haven't heard from Rice King in quite some time :)

HAHAH Tune it man, tune it, it just needs a tune aka everything I need to do the car is "tuning" LOL!
 
Some Guy(a nonDSMer) in my Autotech class looks at my car and say "Why does it only have one hood scoop?" (looking at the hump)
He also says his 02' accord with a built engine and turbo will beat my TSI.
me:"ok, What turbo are you running?"
Guy:" uhh, I dont know, my friend put it in."
me:"oh, how much boost are running? What internals do you have? What engine is it?
Guy:" umm, what do you mean?"
Me:"nevermind:rolleyes:"
Later that week, with my hood popped he walks over, looks at my engine and says" Wheres the turbo on this thing?"

When i first got my TSI, it was parked outside my house. My dads mechanic comes over, looks at my car and tells my dad that its expensive to fix because Ferrari makes itWTF. He knew because the Ferrari emblem on the back.ROFL
 
the dumbest thing ive heard about my car is the first day one of my buddys saw my car and was sooo excited to ride in it.
we got back to his house and were about to leave and he called it a G1, i thought it was funny.

then my other buddy asked about the hump in the hood... i tried to explain it but he would not understand and tod me to take it out and put it in the middle. that or i have to put another one on the other side LOL.

also when i put my front mount on at my buddys one of his friends came up and said that it was a sweet radiator. alot of my friends actually think its a radiator.LOL
 
So I was working on my car one day and my some kid came over and said
kid:Yo you should put a huge Blow off on that thing!
me: whats wrong with the one I got? (1gbov)
kid: what you mean they dont come stock with bov
me: yeah they do,the 2g is plastic and is crappy so I got a stock 1g because it doesn't leak as much and is overall better.
kid: where is it?
me: (LOL its painted red and if you cant spot it your blind) Its right there (pointing to it)
kid: nah you need a bigger one to put down like 400hp you should get like a "G Ready"(that's how he said it LOL)
me: ok yeah cause im already pushing like 300 (sarcastic)
kid: yeah you want that 100 extra? get a BIG A$$ blow off
me: thanks for the advice.....

I have so many people say that talon's or eclipse's dont come stock with BOVs LOL
 
hahaha I haven't gotten a laugh like this in a while.

This kid I haven't talked to since middle school just IMed me asking me about my DSM. Then it got funny.

High Roller:
my brother has the 92 talon but his is a twin turbo
1:09 PM
Matt:
Twin turbo?
They never made a twin
1:09 PM
High Roller:
it was a 4.6l
1:11 PM
Matt:
Mitsu never made a 4.6?
1:11 PM
High Roller:
idkj what motor it was but it was his 2nd project car
 
I had one the other day, non dsmer.

friend: Im thinkin about getting this integra with a b20 vtec
me: Thats cool, I think hondas are dumb.
friend: I know you do but I want it ### the vtec makes it to be able to hold a lot of pressure.
me: ???? You know vtec has NOTHING to do with boost right? And secondly do you know how hard it is to tune a boosted vtec motor?
friend: yea i spose ### you have to get each piston at the right pressure..
 
Got another one for you... not a DSMer though. But we were talking about our cars. He was telling me how he was gonna take his car off the road for the winter to do do some stuff to it.

"I wanna get 3" exhaust from the calipers back"
 
When I sold my car the other day my next door neighbor came out and was talking to me and the kid who bought my car. The neighbor who owns a 3000GT was telling this kid that his 3000 is a VR4 and it pushes 28 psi and his car has a corvette clutch in it. All I can do from laughing is walk away and smirk.
Funny thing is I know that atleast two other people that have owned his 3000 before he bought it. Its not a Vr4 its a n/t with the sohc 3.0....F-ing poser!!
 
I had this guy come into work the other day and asked if the Eclipse outside was mine, and if I ever had overheating problems with it. Obviously I replied "no", the car is my daily driver and the gauge never goes above halfway. I went outside to find the shittiest-looking, most pieced-together non-turbo 2G I've ever seen. I removed the rad cap and nothing but steam came out. I added just shy of a gallon of coolant to this car, which he was apparently delivering to some lucky ducking in Delmont who bought it.

He claimed that he and his buddy just dropped that engine in, and that it was built to push 250whp. I kinda chuckled thinking to myself "the only thing this P.O.S. is pushing is coolant". The engine was dirty, the bay reeked of coolant, there was no timing cover on it, and the cogs on the timing belt were hard as bricks so I KNOW he didn't do any maintenance while the engine was out.

That horsepower number is ridiculous- that's more than a stock turbo car, and 35 more horses than Mark Bullett makes with his race-only 420A that runs 13's. Is he claiming his car is faster than a stock turbo car, and also faster than a race-only 420A? That's funny to me because with the sound his car emitted as he left the parking lot (with coolant and power steering fluid trailing behind him) I could swear my bone-stock '97 GS would run all over his beast.

I like when guys who have no idea who I am or what I know about these cars try to bullshit me.
 
I had this guy come into work the other day and asked if the Eclipse outside was mine, and if I ever had overheating problems with it. Obviously I replied "no", the car is my daily driver and the gauge never goes above halfway. I went outside to find the shittiest-looking, most pieced-together non-turbo 2G I've ever seen. I removed the rad cap and nothing but steam came out. I added just shy of a gallon of coolant to this car, which he was apparently delivering to some lucky ducking in Delmont who bought it.

He claimed that he and his buddy just dropped that engine in, and that it was built to push 250whp. I kinda chuckled thinking to myself "the only thing this P.O.S. is pushing is coolant". The engine was dirty, the bay reeked of coolant, there was no timing cover on it, and the cogs on the timing belt were hard as bricks so I KNOW he didn't do any maintenance while the engine was out.

That horsepower number is ridiculous- that's more than a stock turbo car, and 35 more horses than Mark Bullett makes with his race-only 420A that runs 13's. Is he claiming his car is faster than a stock turbo car, and also faster than a race-only 420A? That's funny to me because with the sound his car emitted as he left the parking lot (with coolant and power steering fluid trailing behind him) I could swear my bone-stock '97 GS would run all over his beast.

I like when guys who have no idea who I am or what I know about these cars try to bullshit me.

Hahah that reminds me of going to stealerships looking at turbo'd cars and listening to a salesmen try to pull a sales out of their ass. The best was when I went to a stealership to look at a 2004 Evo. The thing clearly had nothing done to it, but a BOV and Turbo Timer. He was telling me it was a fully built motor stock, had an upgraded turbo, and couldn't emphasize enohgh about the size of the FMIC. So he flips me the keys and I start to rev it, I get out and flip him the keys back. Meanwhile the car keeps running for another minute as I walk away and the guy is freaking out ROFL. I was like it's a turbo timer ****
:tease::heystupid:.
 
Went to a car show saw a 95 eclipse with a turbo and a sticker that said something like girls can work on cars too. I saw a girl sitting next to the car. i walk up

ME: Is that the stock turbo
Girl: Whats stock mean
 
My friend with a 92 awd talon keeps telling me "my talon can outhandle an evo viii or ix after i upgrade to evo suspension"
 
a guy a know (thinks hes my friend) is 22 years old and im only 17... went to pass him on the highway (before i knew him) and slowed down next to him, at the next stop light we went the same direction and he pulled over. he asked me what boost i was running i told him my car was just stock running stock boost and stock t-25. he told me his ACURA INTEGRA was running 300lbs of boost! i was like that bullshit and he kept telling me that. i was like r u sure u dont mean 30 LOL... than he said he was running 30 pounds of boost. i told him mine was awd and he told me his ACURA INTEGRA was awd. he than did a 5 foot long burn FWD burnout LOL. than i told him only his front wheels were spinning and he said his awd was `broken`LOL
than he showed me his engine and there wasnt even turbo! and he told me it was a v6? LOL.
a week later he told me his turbo blew and said he got a supercharger installed LOL.

he later sold his acura and bought a talon... sold the talon and bought a pos rx7, told me it had 400whp and he took me for a ride in it and it had 140 LOL so slow!
than he said he would beat my talon when my build is done. LOL.
he also said he had another rx7 that had 600whp with nitrous LOL.
AND he said he couldnt buy anymore cars that year cause he reached his `limit` or car purchases for the year which was `10`LOL. than 2 months later he had another car

this guy was just FULL OF SHIT!

LOL funny guy. i learned to tune him out if u know what i mean
than i
 
Went to a car show saw a 95 eclipse with a turbo and a sticker that said something like girls can work on cars too. I saw a girl sitting next to the car. i walk up

ME: Is that the stock turbo
Girl: Whats stock mean

That's a legitimate response I've given before. The 14b could have been swapped. That is a stock turbo for the earlier generation, but still a healthy upgrade to a 2g car. . . Stock appearing is also another mindset that comes up with a question like that. . .
 
a guy a know (thinks hes my friend) is 22 years old and im only 17... went to pass him on the highway (before i knew him) and slowed down next to him, at the next stop light we went the same direction and he pulled over. he asked me what boost i was running i told him my car was just stock running stock boost and stock t-25. he told me his ACURA INTEGRA was running 300lbs of boost! i was like that bullshit and he kept telling me that. i was like r u sure u dont mean 30 LOL... than he said he was running 30 pounds of boost. i told him mine was awd and he told me his ACURA INTEGRA was awd. he than did a 5 foot long burn FWD burnout LOL. than i told him only his front wheels were spinning and he said his awd was `broken`LOL
than he showed me his engine and there wasnt even turbo! and he told me it was a v6? LOL.
a week later he told me his turbo blew and said he got a supercharger installed LOL.

he later sold his acura and bought a talon... sold the talon and bought a pos rx7, told me it had 400whp and he took me for a ride in it and it had 140 LOL so slow!
than he said he would beat my talon when my build is done. LOL.
he also said he had another rx7 that had 600whp with nitrous LOL.
AND he said he couldnt buy anymore cars that year cause he reached his `limit` or car purchases for the year which was `10`LOL. than 2 months later he had another car

this guy was just FULL OF SHIT!

LOL funny guy. i learned to tune him out if u know what i mean
than i

I'm not sure if I told this story or not, but here it goes, maybe again!

I was at a party and this guy was standing in front of his integra and I was trying to talk cars with them. Some reason they didn't like me and the subject of what we had done to our cars came up. I told them I was pretty much all stock, but tuning and working on it. I was also working on the FSAE car at school, so I told them about that. He told me he had twin turbo. I said bulls*. "what?" "even if you did twin turbo, it would be more expensive and less efficient than a single, so it would still be slow"
Then he told me nobody wanted a smartass around, so I told him to take his POS Honda and go F* himself. I was really close to getting punched, so I walked away laughing. Acura, Lexus, Infinity, people that have paid an extra $3-10k more for a badge and 10 extra hp get pissed when you point it out to them.
Also weird, all these years later, I'm thinking about going with twins. I gotta whole box full of 14b's.
 
I'm not sure if I told this story or not, but here it goes, maybe again!

I was at a party and this guy was standing in front of his integra and I was trying to talk cars with them. Some reason they didn't like me and the subject of what we had done to our cars came up. I told them I was pretty much all stock, but tuning and working on it. I was also working on the FSAE car at school, so I told them about that. He told me he had twin turbo. I said bulls*. "what?" "even if you did twin turbo, it would be more expensive and less efficient than a single, so it would still be slow"
Then he told me nobody wanted a smartass around, so I told him to take his POS Honda and go F* himself. I was really close to getting punched, so I walked away laughing. Acura, Lexus, Infinity, people that have paid an extra $3-10k more for a badge and 10 extra hp get pissed when you point it out to them.
Also weird, all these years later, I'm thinking about going with twins. I gotta whole box full of 14b's.

So your saying you wouldn't drive a G35? or G37? Shit even a nice RSX? Not to mention just about any Lexus.
 
oh man youtube is full of this crap
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can you guys tell im bored LOL
 
Last edited by a moderator:
so my firend (he thinks he knows stuff about cars) came over for a little bit today. I lift up my hood to show him where i pulled out my blown t25 and he says "did you get a new radiator cap?" And i say, "No that's my blow off valve..."

He thinks he's great because he drives an avalon...hahaha
 
Haha you'd be suprised...the purple color alone adds a good 20 hp :)
 
I was helpin this guy out in the army n his intercooler pipe fell off so he couldnt boost that much but he didnt kno so i said u have a major boost leak he said "### is boost" i closed his hood n said "call me when u blow up this car i want it for parts" LOL LOL
 
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